Of course, real badasses aren't content to just eat drunk seafood and worms. You might as well go all-out and visit the Vietnamese village of Le Mat near Hanoi, where they will rip out a snake's still-beating heart and serve it to you in a bowl without even giving a quarter of a shit.
But they'll give a quart of other bodily fluids.
The "chefs" who offer live cobra dishes in Le Mat prepare the meal in a number of separate courses. If you're brave enough to order it from the menu, the chef will pull out a juicy snake, slaughter it in front of you, and drain its blood into a glass for you to drink, probably staring unblinking into your eyes the entire time.
Maybe if he didn't stare so hard at you, he'd spill less on the floor.
The next course is a shot glass full of the cobra's bile and venom. No, seriously. The thing about most snake venom is that it has to be injected into your veins to do any damage -- the stomach breaks it down just fine, so it's merely a refreshing drink. Unless you have any cuts or ulcers in your mouth, in which case you will die horribly.
The snake's death will seem swift and painless in comparison.
In time, the chef will prepare a full meal from the snake -- snake spring rolls, ribs, fried skin, snake scales over rice, and spinal soup. But at some point, which is what you really came here for, you get to swallow the cobra's raw heart while it's still beating. Because of course you do.
A Bunch of Dead Birds Left to Rot in a Seal Carcass
This one comes from Greenland, and it is the result of 18 months of preparation, preservation, and fermentation, all of which are euphemisms for leaving it to rot under a pile of rocks. Kiviaq is death stuffed into yet more death, left to decay into the world's most macabre pinata: a sack of seal skin stuffed with the slowly liquefying bodies of hundreds of birds (yes, hundreds). Sure, the end result might be a withered mass of decomposed meat slurry, but it's edible, dammit, and that's what's important. That and smothering it in seal fat to ward off flies. Can't have flies.
Flies are gross. They eat sour fruit!
Your daily recommended allowance of protein isn't all you'll be getting here. The fermentation (read: rotting) process is intended to tenderize every part of the bird, bones and all, so dig in! No, you don't cook it.
Oh, and, for your sake, we do hope you're eating this outside; the odor will make life at home utterly nauseating for weeks if you open this indoors. But isn't that true of all fine cuisine?
Ryan Menezes is a writer and layout editor here at Cracked. He broke down and made a Twitter page just for his Cracked fans.
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