Cracked Archive - Weird World

New Store Update and All You'll Get Are These Badass Shirts

We want you to be proud of your roots even if they're in the one state the rest of America goes to die.


The 5 Most Unexpected Things About Life at Guantanamo Bay

Guantanamo Bay probably provokes one of two images in your mind: a torture camp or a real-life Arkham Asylum. Either way, you're wrong. I was there.


6 Horrific Realities of Living With a Bedbug Infestation

If your experience with bedbugs (which I sincerely hope you never have) is anything like mine and my wife's, here's what you have to look forward to.


The World of Tomorrow if Smart Phones Disappeared Today

What sort of hell would we be suffering through if, suddenly, our smart devices were all gone tomorrow?


5 Awful Stories You Shouldn't Laugh At (But Probably Will)

One of the many horrible side effects of the Internet is that it now takes a lot to make me laugh. And sometimes what does the trick is horrifically dark and disturbing stuff.


5 Things Movies Don't Tell You About Mental Institutions

I've been in six psychiatric facilities in three states, from the fancy McLean Hospital to crappier state-run facilities. But I'm better now, and I swear that all this is true.


4 Jokes No One Should Tell (For Good Reason)

After considering each lawsuit, piece of hate mail, and bolt of lightning sent my way over the years, I think I've come up with a few rough guidelines on what can and cannot be joked about.


The 6 Most Ridiculous Products Ever Made for Boobs

It's almost like these designers' familiarity with boobies came from Barbie dolls and RedTube.


The 6 Most Ham-Fisted Uses of Sexual Innuendo in Marketing

Sometimes there is no plausible way to associate your product with sex without winding up with something that will turn people off sex forever.


5 Unexpected Things I Learned from Being a Heroin Addict

I was hooked on one of the most addictive drugs in the world for over a year and along the way I learned that this kind of habit is nothing like what we've been told.


6 Life Lessons Learned from Working as a Carny

I can tell you a few things you should keep in mind the next time you decide you're in the mood for a day of roller coasters, crappy food, and screaming children.


7 Women Who Put Their Lady Parts to Horribly Practical Uses

These women have done spectacular, enviable things.


5 Ways You Didn't Realize the English Language Is Defective

It turns out other languages can teach us how to handle problems like these.


5 Life Lessons You Learn from Being Bullied

During my years in the dog pound I had plenty of chances to learn the gentle art of coping with bully bullshit, a skill that has been extremely handy later in life.