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Teacher Lets Preschoolers Taste Her Blood

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When it comes to learning, a little hands-on experience can go a long way. That's apparently what a Norwegian teacher figured when she allowed her kindergarten students, who were curious about blood, to play with and even taste her own bodily fluids.

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Which is a service outside the pay scale of a typical preschooler.

According to the teacher (who is thankfully no longer employed), the children had expressed an interest in what blood was and how it works. Where normal people would sense that they were living in a horror movie and immediately burn the school to the ground, this teacher saw a learning opportunity. While there are numerous effective methods of educating kids on this matter, like showing them a goddamn diagram or educational video, the teacher decided on a more practical approach: She had a doctor draw out a vial of her own blood and then brought it to class for show and tell.

After passing the vial around the class for the students (who ranged from 3 to 6 years old), at least one kid apparently asked whether they could taste it. Presumably not wanting to upset what were clearly the Children of the Damned, the teacher said yes. Fortunately, staff and parents found out about it before the kids' career in vampirism could go any further, or before they became curious about any other bodily humors.

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"No more playing with blood for today, kids. Why don't you go play with your toys instead?"

5

Somehow, Multiple Teachers Have Stripped in Front of Students

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Those who study philosophy spend time pondering life's greatest questions. But for the students of one Paris high school philosophy class, questions like "What is the meaning of life?" gave way to "Why am I seeing my teacher's scrotum right now?"

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In this class, everybody gets a D+.

See, teacher Bernard Defrance liked to play a game with his students: The kids would ask him questions, and every time Defrance failed to come up with the answer, he would remove a piece of clothing. One day his students were just too darn good for Defrance (or maybe he "lost" on purpose, wink wink) and he was left standing in the nude. The unexamined life may not be worth living, but we're pretty sure we can go without ever examining the folds of Defrance's body.

One of the students defended Defrance by saying that he was just showing the class that he was "like everyone else." We're not sure what they thought Defrance was like before this incident, but apparently they were worried that he was not an anatomically correct human male. Well, he sure cleared that up for them.

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"See, I take my pants off one leg at a time, just like you."

4

Teachers Stage a Mass Shooting During a Field Trip

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It can be hard to come up with unique activities to make your school camp memorable and not just another forgettable excursion to bumfuck nowhere, singing "Kumbaya" around a campfire while everyone wishes they were back at home. That's the dilemma teachers at Scales Elementary School in Tennessee faced, so they decided to spice up their field trip by staging a mock mass shooting for their sixth graders.

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That explains why sing-along night included "Don't Fear the Reaper."

The "prank," which by the way took place less than a month after the Virginia Tech shooting, involved teachers (including an assistant principal) going from dorm to dorm advising students that a gunman was on the loose and taking no prisoners. The students were thus swept up in a whirlwind of panic as they shut off the lights and hurried under nearby furniture. To heighten the realism of it, a hooded teacher went by pulling on the locked doors, lest they falsely believe that school protocols would save them.

3

Teachers Keep Working Bizarre Slavery References into Math Homework

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Obviously students need to learn about slavery, since the practice influenced pretty much everything that happened in American history up until, well, now. But there is a time and a place to talk about it, and that does not include working joke references to slavery into math homework, as one New York City teacher did:

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"If European expansion began in 1419 and it's currently 2014, how long until Whitey gets what he has coming?"

2

Teacher Skins Coyote in Class

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In a break from the longstanding tradition of dissecting frogs and pigs in high school, Massachusetts teacher Miles Dowling thought it would be really neat to drag the carcass of a coyote in front of his class and skin it for them. No matter that Dowling teaches carpentry, not biology, or that a coyote is not exactly standard issue when ordering from the specimen supply company.

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"I've only brought woodworking tools, so this'll be messy. Gather 'round."

1

A Welding Teacher Stages a Mock Execution

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When standing before a classroom of adolescent students and attempting to cram something like useful information into their Xbox-addled brains, the ability to keep their attention is the closest a teacher might come to finding the Holy Grail. A 60-year-old welding teacher from Virginia recently had enough of his students' insolence and disciplined them the only way he knew how -- by lining them up against the wall and summarily (simulating) blowing their brains out.

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Which may explain why the reading assignment the night before was Ezekiel 25:17.

Manuael Dillow was evidently at his wits' end about how to get his students' attention when he had the bright idea to borrow a blank-firing handgun from a staff member from another department and use it to scare the dickens out of his students by firing it at them point blank.

After the targeted students realized they weren't hurt (although they probably had to change their pants), they presumably gave their undivided attention to Dillow's very important welding demonstration for the rest of the period, because a man that unhinged and in possession of a welding torch is no one to be messed with.

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If you can't hold a kid's attention with this in the first place, maybe teaching isn't for you.

Unfortunately for Dillow, discharging a weapon directly into someone's face, even if it's unloaded, is apparently a crime, and he received a five-year suspended jail sentence and two years' probation for the prank. The kids learned something valuable about the world that day: The standards for getting hired as a schoolteacher in some places are just lax as shit.

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