In September 2013, Islamic terrorists laid siege to a mall in Kenya, trapping hundreds of hostages inside to be indiscriminately massacred. As the tragedy unfolded, armed security services made their way inside with Red Cross workers to comb the building looking for survivors. Some of the rescuers were civilians carrying their own weapons. It was a horrific situation, but regular, blue-collar people responded to the crisis with selfless heroism.
And they all look like a bunch of chumps compared to a 4-year-old boy named Elliott Prior.
Reuters, via Stuff
When you've got nerves made of collapsed star, you can snivel whenever you damn well please.
You see, when the terrorists took over Westgate shopping mall, Elliott's mother was shot in the thigh. Thanks to either sheer naivete or his volatile toddler's temper, Elliott didn't give one twisted s**t about how scary the terrorists were -- as far as he was concerned, they could spend the rest of the day feeding their guns to their own assholes. So the tiny British child confronted the gun-wielding terrorist and flipped the hell out, screaming at him for being "a bad man" and demanding that he and his family be allowed to leave.
The terrorist, having just been reprimanded by someone not yet old enough to go to kindergarten, apparently felt his heart grow four sizes that day. The embarrassed gunman gave Elliott and his sister some candy bars and agreed to let his family go. On their way out of the mall, Elliott's mom managed to grab two more children and pull them to safety.
"Yeah, thanks, whatever. I was told there would be candy ..."
As they left, the terrorist yelled some halfhearted apology, explaining that he and his compatriots were only there to kill Kenyan and American civilians (small British children weren't on their hit list, for whatever reason). That's right -- Elliott was so hardcore that he confronted an armed man with the specific agenda of murdering as many defenseless people as he could, got him to apologize, and walked away with free candy. We imagine that was the sweetest candy he's ever tasted.
Aaron Granger is a chemist and likes to write about science projects in his spare time. He updates his website, Impractical Science, roughly whenever.
For more superhero antics, check out If The Hero's Timing Had Been Slightly Off and If Superheroes Were Assholes.
Related Reading: Kids don't get enough credit, as John Cheese illustrates in this column on arguments parents can't admit kids are right about. Some children are just shockingly powerful, like these wonder twins of terrorism. For some of the creepiest things kids have ever been asked to color, click here.