I'm going to explain these all to you right now so I can pretend I'm not wasting my life playing video games in my basement.
Some people will get furious if you so much as mention the protagonist's name. If that's you, you might want to stay away from this article, the entire Internet, other people, and possibly small children, because it sounds like you've got some rage issues.
We're just going to go ahead and wash our eyeballs with bleach. Thanks, marketers!
After years of demanding more realistic games, we're at a point where realism is starting to get in the way.
Within, you'll find just a small sampling of games so ingenious you'll punch your own crotch just to distract you from the pain of not owning them.
If we programmed cancer into an online game, it would be cured within a week, but humanity would be wiped out by some dickhead creating super-leprosy-AIDS-cancer of the scrotum.
It turns out that video game makers don't give two craps about canon, even if the game is based on an all-time cinema classic. And sometimes that's awesome.
Apparently some companies want an entire game devoted to peddling their brand. The results are ... very unfortunate.
A good glitch can transfer you from boring, gritty realism into a magical world full of the most physics-defying, madness inducing randomness this side of a mushroom trip at the bottom of a ball-pit.
It turns out that while you're going around innocently shooting zombies or running people over in colorful virtual worlds, other people are abusing the same games to plan actual murders, carry out Ponzi schemes, or finance kinky virtual red-light districts.
A giant has fallen. Video game developer and publisher THQ filed for Chapter 11, and like the death of any loved one, it seemed to come out of an impossible nowhere.
When it comes time to tackle tough issues in the wake of unimaginable tragedies, politicians are at just as much of a loss as we are. But it's their job to act, so they start throwing wild swings, hoping they're going to hit the right target but too scared to open their eyes to see where the punches land.