After a decade knee-deep in e-opinion, this is what the Internet has taught me about the Internet.
Recognizing you is just the beginning -- the goal is to create software that can all but read your goddamned mind. Don't believe us? Guess what -- the technology exists.
As long as there are wheels to spin and jet engines to slap on things that should not have jet engines, mankind's irrepressible need to go ungodly speeds while looking completely ludicrous shall not be sated.
Everything you've learned from Hollywood about hacking has utterly failed to communicate just how boring it actually is.
You leave digital fingerprints all over everything you do on a computer, and unfortunately for bad guys, it doesn't exactly take a CSI team to find them.
Nobody was ever more batshit crazy than old-timey inventors. Ever.
You might want to put on some comfy pants and get out a tub of consolation ice cream, because we're about to let you way, way down.
n movies, computers can blow up houses, shut down highways, release plagues and make Matthew Lillard appealing to women. However, our collective groaning about how laughably unrealistic these movies are may have been premature ...
There's a pretty big difference between what works in a cartoon and what works in real life. But military generals and weapons designers both have an inner child who still likes to draw super awesome weapons on the back of a notebook.
Cardinal rules of social networking that I've blundered through in the past weeks. Hopefully you can use this advice to avoid breaking the same rules yourself, or perhaps more likely, deliberately break them many times simply to troll people.
Building a computer? If you're anything like me, this is not going to go very well for you.
It's time to draw the line, and stop coddling our lazy, shiftless technologies. Here are the five biggest technological annoyances that still plague our devices each day.
I discovered recently that hundreds of websites all over the western world feature my face, pressed hard against the driver's side window of a Toyota Camry (Limited Edition), staring at a set of keys locked hopelessly inside.
These words tell us everything we need to know about the commenter and let us skip the post, safe in the knowledge that we're proving our childhood lessons wrong and getting smarter by not reading something.
Almost every advanced gadget we use presents another crack that a creepy or malicious person could pry open if they got the urge to stalk us.