The news media's primary motivation these days is clearly to drum up sales of emergency apocalypse supplies.
These are somewhat commendable ideas, but you won't be surprised to know that, in almost every case, their attempts failed miserably.
Here are just a few inventive methods that practitioners of the paranormal have developed to distinguish themselves from their peers.
Judging from the news, the world is like a disaster movie, only without the last few scenes where everybody escapes.
Oh no, school's almost here and you didn't buy any new clothes! Good thing we have you covered!
Staying on top of the news is like trying to follow the plot of Kevin Spacey's serial killer notebooks in 'Se7en.'
When disaster strikes, there are plenty of ways you can respond without being a massive tool. But that's not what these heroes decided to do.
If you see the bulldozers then you'll already know that it's too late.
The general reaction to these protesters across the Internet was fascinating. And sad.
Every huge outrage is inevitably locked in one of the following five stages before it dissipates into wistful nothingness, like a gentle fart in a raging typhoon.
I dug into some of the 'PC Suckz00rz' arguments and quickly realized that not only are they wrong, they're exactly wrong, which is sort of impressive.
Staying on top of current events is like trying to drink from a fire hose, only instead of a hydrant it's hooked up to a sewer line.
Sometimes the opponents' plans are so ridiculous that you almost have to admire their dedication to being terrible.
It's been a banner year so far for the anti-vaccination movement. But not everything is rubella and roses for the anti-vaxxers.