'Liberate' Protestors Are The Dumbest Thing That Could Have Happened Right Now

When you see quarantine protesters on TV looking like what would happen if soccer moms managed backwoods militias, understand that while draped with guns, what they're shooting out are tragically uninformed opinions. And not even their own. It was an opinion planted in their heads by three gun-rights activist brothers and a group with connections to the rich and powerful DeVos family (of which Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos is a member), who are organizing and bankrolling this whole display. It's a pathetic smattering of entitled babies protesting the concept of putting public health and safety before their own childish dreams of being heroes who snatched our freedoms from the evil clutches of common sense.

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The contradiction in this is that their choosen leader, Trump, is telling them to rebel with tweets like his Liberate Trilogy ...

... where he implied that these states are imprisoning their populations (While they're doing nothing different than any other state). You'd think a problem like that would require some kind of large-scale Waco-style federal intervention that would likely be half as successful as Waco and twice as dumb. But Trump isn't doing that. He's just stirring shit, putting lives at risk in the process, and these gun-toters are the shit-stirring stick.

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There are no patriots here. There are no freedom fighters. The three gun nut brothers who started all this likely don't actually care about being free to go to Baskin-Robbins. These people can't pass up a good opportunity to stand around like they're auditioning for a role in an Al Qaeda training video dressed in the best airsoft-grade tactical gear strapped over the chicest George Washington costume Party City had marked down in a post-Halloween sale. They are abusive, militant dorks acting like brandishing high-powered weaponry in public is a peaceful demonstration when it's a violent act of intimidation -- which is their exact intent despite their paper-thin argument otherwise.

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These aren't patriots. They're political opportunists who will gladly slop fear on top fear to get what they want. They want their movie theaters open, and their Applebee's grills fired up and, look, so do the rest of us. We're all longing for mozzarella sticks right now. But maybe just Postmates that shit and tip 40% or more for the time being? "But no!" they'll shout through the foam in their mouths. "Delivery changes the flavor! Makes it less Freedomy!" They want that flavor so bad that they're willing to get people killed to obtain it.

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Informed by the bile spewed by far-right conspiracy mongers, they think that the death toll isn't real, that coronavirus isn't real, that maybe it is real but it's no worse than the regular flu or swine flu, that (as of publication) 42,000 deaths in two months isn't a big deal, that their self-centered opinion supersedes the opinions of researchers who've been studying viral outbreaks their whole lives. If all we're doing is spitting out opinions, at the very least, you can gravitate toward the people who know what they're talking about, like Dr. Anthony Fauci. He's been the government's top infectious disease expert under six presidents and is Presidential Medal of Freedom recipient for his work understanding and treating HIV/AIDS. Dr. Fauci says that protesters' efforts to reopen the economy will backfire and further push away the date that the economy can be reopened.

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When you're a small fringe group trying to force a majority of people to risk their health so you can get a "W" and some creature comforts, you're the one impeding liberty.

Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Catch him on the "In Broad Daylight" podcast with Cracked alums Adam Tod Brown and Ian Fortey! Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's BunnyEars.com and his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast. And now you can listen to the first episode on YouTube!

Top image: enriquelopezgarre/Pixabay

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