Cracked Archive - News

What Canada Thinks Of You Threatening To Move There

Canada is not your safety school.


Dear White Friends: Stop Saying Everything Is Going To Be Ok

I'm tired of hearing you tell me that everything is going to be okay, because the implications of this election are different for you than for everyone else.


Don't Panic

Don't panic. Or rather, don't keep panicking for too long.


The 14 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/8/16)

Look, we get it. It takes at least a week to get through the mountain of voter literature that piles up in your mailbox.


The 6 F**king Stupidest Reasons Why People Don't Vote

While it's everyone's God-given right to not vote, considering what's at stake this year, never has a more wrong-headed act existed.


26 Times This Election Hit Rock Bottom And Kept Digging

Pretty much the entire news cycle this election has been garbage, but here's the worst of it.


We Talk To 3 (Fringe) Alternative Presidential Candidates

These men hold no illusions about their chances of winning, but for better or for worse, you have the option of offering them and their beliefs your support.


5 Lessons The 2016 Election Teaches Us About Sexual Assault

Trump may have started the conversation, but keep in mind that he doesn't actually own this scum pond. He's just one more turd leeching on a system designed to favor the powerful and grabby.


The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (11/1)

Look, we get it. At this point in the election cycle, checking the news is just asking for a migraine.


All The Dumb Sh!t Trump Has Done As Nominee In One Mega-List

Donald Trump has proven to be the T-1000 of presidential bids.


The 13 Most Insane Things Happening Right Now (10/25)

Look, we get it. You can either get your Hillary Quinn costume done by Halloween or keep up with the news.


A Plea To McDonald's: It’s Time To Kill Ronald McDonald

Listen, McDonald's: No one has liked or even been somewhat amused by clowns in at least 40 years.


What You Should Know About Ken Bone

If you're like us and didn't know who he is or why he's famous, we've put together a simple FAQ to lay out everything you need to know about Ken Bone.