BREAKING: People Are Apparently Eating Absurd Amounts of 'Grape-Nuts' Cereal

It's official -- we've turned into our fiber-obsessed grandparents.
BREAKING: People Are Apparently Eating Absurd Amounts of 'Grape-Nuts' Cereal

Well folks, it's official -- amid the pandemic, "old fashioned" foods are the nation's latest culinary trend, according to Forbes. While to many Americans, this blast from the snacking past has most notably manifested in the form of homemade sourdough, and canned goods, it seems some are kicking it late 1800's style, consuming ungodly amounts of suspiciously crunchy, cardboard-tasting cereal? 

Yep. Amid our almost 11 months in lockdown, it seems we've all somehow turned into our fiber-obsessed grandparents, consuming so many boxes of Grape-Nuts, they seemingly can't stay stocked on the shelves of our local supermarket, sparking rumors the cereal had been discontinued. While this increased consumption may be welcome news for our poor digestive systems, craving something fresher than mostly non-perishable fare, this sudden influx has seemingly overwhelmed Post Holdings, the company behind the um, very hearty cereal, which ironically contains neither grapes nor nuts. 

"People may continue to see shortages and temporary out-of-stocks on Grape-Nuts as we continue to work through supply constraints and higher cereal demand amid the pandemic," the cereal's brand manager Kristin DeRock told CBS MoneyWatch. "First and foremost, we want to make sure that Grape-Nuts fans know that we have absolutely no plans to discontinue Grape-Nuts cereal." Part of the reasons behind these delays are that despite being, well, little hardened balls of sawdust, it seems Grape-Nuts are weirdly difficult to make, especially during a pandemic, according to DeRock. "Grape-Nuts is made using a proprietary technology and a production process that isn't easily replicated, which has made it more difficult to shift production to meet demand during this time," she explained. 

Aside from learning their strangely-complex cereal of choice is here to stay, it seems the aforementioned and apparently not-mythical "Grape-Nuts fans," have seemingly grown empowered to speak out about their love for the fibrous cereal, knowing that despite constant ridicule from their tastebud-having peers, they're not alone in their love for, erm suspiciously robust breakfasts. 

"In my high school drivers ed the teacher made us say what we had for breakfast as an icebreaker. I said grapenuts & the teacher made fun of me for eating 'old person' food & got the whole class to laugh at me," Twitter user @KatieGoldin wrote. "Point is I'm now a rich Grapenuts Baron & they can suck deez grapeNUTZ."

And it seems she isn't alone -- amid news of the shortage user @SimplyCloudGrl explained the cereal's hidden talent -- satisfying VERY forbidden pregnancy hankerings. "When I was pregnant with my first kiddo, I thought I was going crazy because I craved, of all things, GRAVEL!!! My doctor said to but a box of Grape Nuts. Because I wasn’t craving rocks. I was craving the crunchiness. That was much easier than sitting in the alley having a snack!"

Mmmmm, nothing like a big bowl of mock-rocks to start your day! So folks, all jokes aside, the classic Post offering isn't that bad. Despite their reputation as a geezer staple, and well, their apparently gravel-like disposition, the cereal has withstood the test of time for a reason. Grape-Nuts: the official breakfast of regular champions. 

For more internet nonsense, follow Carly on Instagram at @HuntressThompson_, on @HuntressThompson_ on Twitter @TennesAnyone.

Scroll down for the next article
Forgot Password?