Cracked Archive - News

Russian Trolls Used Satan Arm Wrestling Jesus As Propaganda

If you asked me to trade in the sanctity of our democracy to see Jesus arm-wrestle Satan, I would.

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The Reason Harvey Weinstein Is Just The Beginning

Why did this suddenly become the month we exposed an industry so fraught with scandal that Variety now reads like a newspaper crime section?

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What Stupid Thing Is Trending Now? (11/04/2017)

A child getting small amounts of candy handouts from all of her neighbors is like the definition of socialism.

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Osama Bin Laden Had Anime And Disney On His Computer

Truly, a terrifying look into the mind of a cold blooded killer.

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NFL Protests Aren't Responsible For Papa John's Bad Sales

If your business can be crippled by black people protesting injustice, you probably aren't running a great business.

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Judge Rules That Asking For A 'Lawyer Dog' Is Too Confusing

I can't imagine how these officers and judges function in real life, with all the 'ambiguous' slang out there.

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Too Much Black Licorice Is Bad For Your Heart And Your Soul

I'm going to come right out and admit it: I somewhat enjoy black licorice.

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Poisoned Halloween Candy Just Isn't A Thing

What kind of weirdo tampers with Halloween candy?

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You Can See Mario's Officially Licensed Wiener

Mario's dingaling appears in an officially licensed manga, so his pendulous little disco stick is canon.

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Huge Questions 'Stranger Things' Needs To Answer In Season 3

WARNING: SPOILERS ARE AHEAD. IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED STRANGER THINGS 2, GET THE HECK OUT OF THIS ARTICLE. GO BACK TO HANGING OUT WITH YOUR JOCK FRIENDS.

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The AI That Generates Halloween Costumes Is The Singularity

This woman is a certifiable evil genius.

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Burger King's Bullying PSA Is Just Ham-Fisted Manipulation

There's a good chance you're one of the 2.3 million and counting to have watched 'Bullying Jr.' The ad is getting a string of accolades normally reserved for Best Picture nominees, and it deserves absolutely none of them.

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A Giant Worm Was Found And It Turns Out, They're Very Common

Look at that cute little baby elephant trunk ... Oh, that's an earthworm.

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