Cracked Archive - News

Mike Pence Can't Even Stage A Photo Op Right

Candace Owens is the last person you want in a discussion about George Floyd.

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Pornographic Actor Nacho Vidal Arrested For Poisoning Photographer With Psychedelic Toad Venom

In a year full of strange headlines, this might just be the weirdest.

14

How To Contribute to Protests (When You’re Very White)

Pull up a chair, folks.

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Myths About the Protests, Debunked

George Soros is hiding under your bed and leaving bricks in your stockings.

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Dude, It's Only June.

2020 is a year we'll never forget and it's not even half over.

19

LAPD's Commissioner Getting Clowned On Zoom Was Delightful

For anyone craving a bit of catharsis during all of this violence, trust us, this is better than porn.

27

'Blackout Tuesday' Immediately Sank Because White Supporters Couldn't Shut Up

Gotta keep those hearts coming at any cost, to the point of metaphysical contradiction.

41

Shut The F Up About Looting Macy's

How do you compare the destruction of large retail chains to what happens to Black people everyday? I don't know, but people are trying.

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Pictofacts

Darkly Funny Moments That It's OK To Laugh At

There's a fine line between screaming and laughing.

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Workplace Horror Stories From Famous Companies

Every company has its embarrassing secrets, these are even worse.

27

Jeffrey Epstein Had An 'Egg-Shaped Penis'

There's nothing wrong with having an egg-shaped penis, like Jeffrey Epstein.

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Pictofacts

News That Proves We Are Getting There

Progress isn't slow. The rest of the world has just slowed down.

29

Unexpected Groups That Are Getting Torn Apart By Drama

Small communities, major drama.

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Uh ... Trump Doesn't Have The Power To Label ANTIFA A Terrorist Organization

But, if we're wrong, Trump can arrest anyone who politically opposes him with impunity.

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