Cracked Archive - News

President Joe Biden Taps Throwback Thirst Traps, Teen Superstar Olivia Rodrigo, To Get Us Out Of This Mess
Presidential thirst traps are the new PSAs.
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- By Carly Tennes
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A Woman Single-Handedly Recorded 40,000 VHS News Tapes
For more than 30 years, Marion Stokes spent her life preserving media reports in the hopes of combating fake news.
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- By Zanandi Botes
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3
Job Applicants Are Now Expected To Be Elle Woods Applying to Harvard With TikTok's New Resume Feature
"What, like *it's hard?" (it's being making a 1-3 minute custom video reiterating your professional experiences for a particular position)
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- By Carly Tennes
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6
Gyms In South Korea's Capital Barred From Playing Fast Workout Music
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- By Carly Tennes
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Move Over, Tide Pods: Dentists Warn Against TikTok Trend of Using Magic Eraser For Whitening Teeth
Please, please, please don't do this.
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- By Carly Tennes
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Burger King Workers Quit En Masse Via The Restaurant's Front Sign
Mass resignations -- have it your way!
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- By Carly Tennes
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20
Heinz Launches Petition For Hot Dogs and Buns To Come In Equal Numbered Packs
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- By Carly Tennes
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20
FBI Seizes Lego U.S. Capitol From Home Of IRL U.S. Capitol Dingus
It seems one alleged insurrectionist just couldn't LEGO of his desire to seize the Capitol.
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- By Carly Tennes
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14
Zack Snyder Is Making His Own Knockoff Version of 'Star Wars'
"In a universe quite a ways from here ..." -- Rebel Moon's opening text, probably.
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- By Carly Tennes
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10
Trump Sues Facebook, Twitter, Google, Mark Zuckerberg and Jack Dorsey Over Allegations of Social Media Censorship
Wow! Who could have possibly seen this coming?
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- By Carly Tennes
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47
Parents of Children Named Alexa Beg Amazon to Change Home Assistant's Name
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- By Carly Tennes
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36
The Onion Predicted The U.S. Military Would Leave Afghanistan In The Middle of the Night Ten Years Ago
The psychics at 'The Onion' strike again!
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- By Carly Tennes
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13
Police Officer Blasts Taylor Swift's Music To Keep Protester's Video Off Social Media
Ugh
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- By Carly Tennes
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24
Getting Back To Normal At Your Own Pace Is Okay: Lessons From A Warzone
IEDs and snipers are indeed different from infectious diseases, but the mental toll they can have on us is oddly similar, given what I'm seeing.
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- By Cristian Ramirez
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Former Trump Aide Launches New Free Speech Social Media Platform
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- By Carly Tennes
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