25 Recent Headlines That We Won’t Be Putting In The Time Capsule

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25 Recent Headlines That We Won’t Be Putting In The Time Capsule

In the first few weeks of my new job, I had to sit through countless meetings. I had to sit through the same old boring meeting after boring meeting for the entire week because there are no other people who do this job, so we're all still learning how to do it. I can't tell you how many hours I've spent staring at people's butts as they talked. As if it wasn't enough that I had to sit in a conference room for seven hours a day, I was also required to read and memorize a lot of information that I'm not sure I'll ever need to know again. This made the experience even more excruciating. I enjoyed this list of interesting facts I found on the internet, so I thought it would be helpful to share with you. If you happen to be one of the many people in your life who can't resist wasting your time in boring meetings, then you'll definitely want to read this.

MTG Prays Over a Convicted Capitol Rioter in Mock Prison Cell at CPAC.

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene prayed with a Capitol Rioter in a mock jail cell at СРАС. CRACKED.COM Bizarrely, MTG also said that 'no one can convince' her that the Jan. 6 rioters weren't Antifa. So, she was kneeling before an Antifa false-flag operative, mas- querading as a MAGA True Believer?

Business Insider

GOP Senator Rebuked by Health Experts for Claiming Mouthwash Can Kill COVID-19.

Senator Ron Johnson said that gargling with mouthwash has been proven to kill the coronavirus. KILLS 99.9% OF BAD BREATH GERMS WITH A LESS INTENSE TASTE MOUTHWASH LISTERINE COOL MINT ZERO ALCOHOL FOR A FRESHER & CLEANER MOUTH THAN BRUSHING ALONE GRAGKED.COM Johnson was rebuked on- line by experts, and just normal people with com- mon sense that are bewil- dered we need to keep having these conversations with elected officials.

Complex

Officers Pursuing White Suspect Arrested an Innocent Black Man Instead.

A black man was arrested while police officers were pursuing a white suspect. YOUR NO FBC NO SEOFFICIAL TAKING ARMED FORCE SOCIAL SE wn WSCEL) 120 Possession - R NING GRACKED.COM The white suspect jogged past Donovan Johnson when police ordered they both get on the ground, at gunpoint, and pinned him down with his knee on his neck. The white suspect was left unattended.

MSN

Lightning struck six times in half a second near the White House, killing three people.

Lightning struck four people near the White House, and it happened to be the sole survivor's birthday. CRACKED.COM Secret Service men saved Escudero-Kontostathis, who was working for a nonprofit advocacy group for refugees, in Lafayette Square after lightning struck the tree she was us- ing as cover six times.

Yahoo

Disney World guests trapped on ‘It’s a Small World’ ride for over an hour.

Disney World tortured guests by stranding them in It's a Small World for an hour. 319 78 CRACKED COM Disney guests claimed the line of boats was halt- ed for about 45 minutes before staff noticed the malfunction, with one visibly sinking slowly into the water.

Global News

Instagram users are baffled by Balenciaga's $1,790 garbage bags.

Balenciaga just launched a $1,790 trash bag. CRACKED.COM The trash pouch will be fea- tured in the Winter 2022 line, and their creative director says Who doesn't love a fashion scandal? because marketing is all about out- rage now (oh no, are we con- tributing?)

Yahoo

French mayor to ask Mont Blanc climbers for €15,000 rescue and funeral deposit.

Mountain climbers in France may soon be required to pay for rescue and funeral costs upfront. GRACKED COM Mayor Jean-Marc Peillex, fed up with the contempt of risk-taking climbers, an- nounced a plan to charge a EUR 15,000 deposit to cover possible rescue and funeral costs for Mont Blanc climb- ers.

CNN

Craft breweries shutting down due to national carbon dioxide shortage.

A national shortage on carbon dioxide is shutting down craft breweries. CRACKED COM Carbon dioxide sourced at one of the nation's largest gas production hubs had been contaminated, worsen- ing precious CO2 shortages and causing operations at breweries to be suspended.

NBC News

Lollapalooza Security Guard Faked Mass Shooting Threat To Leave Work Early.

A security guard at Lollapalooza faked a mass shooting threat to leave work early. CRACKED.COM The security guard was charged with making a false terrorist threat for allegedly circulating two fake messag- es, one of which said Mass shooting at 4 pm location Lol- lapalooza. We have 150 tar- gets.

Block Club Chicago

With Vince McMahon out, the WWE can start referring to its wrestlers as “wrestlers.”

The WWE lifted a ban on terms such as wrestler and wrestling. CRACKED.COM While the roster will still be re- ferred to as Superstars going forward, the new regime led by Stephanie McMahon, Nick Khan and Triple H is reportedly open to the idea of talents using the terms wrestler and wres- tling on air.

Wrestling Inc

Top scientist admits 'space telescope image' was actually a slice of chorizo.

A space telescope image turned out to be a slice of chorizo. CRACKED.COM The director at France's Al- ternative Energies and Atom- ic Energy Commission apolo- gized after tweeting a photo of a slice of chorizo, claiming it was an image of a distant star taken by the James Webb Space Telescope.

CNN

A woman flashed a 'white privilege' card after being pulled over.

Police let a woman go when she flashed a white privilege card after being pulled over. CRACKED.COM The woman, in town for a Donald Trump rally, was pulled over at 3:43 am for weaving. When she couldn't find her license, she showed officers a white privilege card, which must have been sufficient to let her go.

NBC News

Bangladesh man arrested for singing classical songs 'out of tune.'

A Bangladesh man was arrested for singing out of tune. CRACKED.COM Hero Alom, a Bangladeshi singer with a huge internet following, was hauled in by police at dawn, told to stop performing classical songs, called too ugly to be a sing- er, and told to sign an apol- ogy bond.

Live Mint

Man trying to burn spider started Springville wildfire.

A wildfire was started by a man trying to burn a spider. CRACKED.COM Cory Allan Martin told law enforcement that he was using a lighter to burn a spider, accidentally setting some brush on fire. Unsur- prisingly, deputies also found marijuana and drug paraphernalia.

ABC4

Snakebite victim’s brother visits village for funeral, gets killed by another snake.

A snake killed a man visiting for his brother's funeral, after he died from a snakebite. CRACKED.COM A man in India who had come to attend the last rites of his brother who died from a snake bite was killed after being bitten by a snake in his sleep.

Indian Express

Iowa movie theater damaged by tornado will play 'Twister' when it reopens.

A movie theater in lowa will play Twister after it repairs damage from a tornado. CRACKED.COM The drive-in movie theater was shut down after being damaged by a tornado, and is set to reopen after five months of repairs, showing a double feature of Top Gun: Maverick and Twister.

Yahoo

Iran Bans Women From Appearing In Advertisements Over An Ice Cream Ad.

An ice cream ad led to Iran banning women from appearing in advertisements. GRACKED.COM The Islamic Republic im- posed the ban on any use of female images or actors in advertisements thanks to a commercial in which a woman takes a bite of a chocolate covered ice cream bar.

Iranintl

Qantas asks executives to work as baggage handlers for three months.

An Australian airline is solving the labor shortage by making their executives handle baggage. 8183 SET BRAKE NORTHWEST CRACKED.COM Qantas' head of operations is looking for at least 100 volunteers to work at Syd- ney and Melbourne air- ports, where they will work as baggage handlers for three months.

BBC

Diablo Immortal player spends $100k, can't find anyone to play with.

Despite spending $100,000, one Diablo Immortal player can't find anyone to play with. CRACKED.COM Content creator 'jtisallbusi- ness' claims to have spent around $100k on leveling up their avatar in the free-to-play game, making them so high level that on- line matchmaking won't pair them with other players.

Game Byte

Frank Ocean Is Selling Gold and Diamond C*ck Rings.

Frank Ocean's luxury brand Homer released an 18-karat gold penis ring. GRACKED.COM The XXXL H-Bone Ring is a $25,570 accessory encrusted with 60 lab-grown princess cut diamonds. Ocean launched Homer last August with scarves and jewelry pieces, so penis attachments were inevitable.

Emirate Time

Pearson plans to sell its textbooks as NFTs.

Publisher Pearson is selling textbooks as NFTs. GRAGKED.COM This is intended to get back some of the income lost to secondhand sales. These are the same publishers that charge hundreds of dollars for textbooks that receive minor updates and become outdated every year.

The Guardian

Twitter says Musk’s spam analysis used tool that called his own account a bot.

Elon Musk's spam analysis tool called his own account a bot. CRACKED.COM As Musk tries to worm his way out of a $44 billion merger agreement, Twitter points out that the g,eneric web tool Musk used to assert that a large per- centage of accounts are spam classified his own account as likely a bot.

Ars Technica

Workers asking for pay rises risk embedding inflation, says Bank boss.

The Bank of England boss says that paying workers more will embed inflation. CRACKED.COM Workers should refrain from asking for wage in- creases to match inflation, according to Andrew Bai- ley, who warned there was a risk that inflation would become built-in. Bailey makes $709,000 a year.

Reuters

Embryos can be listed as dependents on tax returns, Georgia rules.

Georgia ruled that embryos can be listed as dependants on tax returns. CRACKED.COM Taxpayers in the state will be able to claim tax ex- emption for 'any unborn child with a detectable hu- man heartbeat,' in light of the Supreme Court over- turning Roe v. Wade and of the state's abortion ban.

The Guardian

Upset over LGBTQ books, a Michigan town defunds its library in tax vote.

A Michigan town decided to defund their library over LGBTQ+ books. GRACKED.COM Voters in the politically conservative Jamestown Township voted to gut the Patmos Library's operating budget in 2023 over books with LGBTQ+ themes. They made this vote inside the very library.

Bridge MI 

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