Because I'm the kind of guy who always gives in to peer pressure, I decided to humbly poison myself with a ton of alcohol for your amusement.
Sadly, a lot of the people behind some of the best movies ever made get about as much recognition as the guy who sweeps your street at 4 a.m.
Not everyone can write a bestselling novel or a box office success, but even the lowliest of us can interpret our favorite pieces of pop culture in bafflingly awesome new ways.
Enough time has passed for us, as a nation, to finally have a serious conversation about Jurassic World.
We've all been bamboozled by the colorful misdirection of fancy cars and beautiful, preposterously named women.
These kills kicked major ass, even if they don't get a lot of love.
While we concede there are no truly 'smart' characters in thrillers, these allegedly smart people are exceptionally dumb.
Most movie mashups suck. That's why I humbly submit that I'm the only asshole in the world who's enough of a jerk to say that we should make these films.
We scoured YouTube and found some short horror films that did everything damn nigh perfectly ... right up until they completely imploded at the last possible second.
Eventually horror monsters get to the stage where they're plopped into a spinoff or paired with a sidekick, and that's when we start thinking it's over - but it's not over...
The hero of the adorable Kung Fu Panda series doesn't just murder his enemies. He turbo-murders them.