Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Snackeez. It's a cup! It's a bowl! It's a bowl inside of a cup! It's the Russian nesting doll of diabetes! Honestly, how much access to snacks do your kids need? I'm assuming this is strictly for kids, by the way, because no respectable adult totes containers around in public if they're exclusively available in this array of colors.
So, again, what exactly are your kids doing with their free hand that would necessitate owning this contraption? More importantly, how long is it going to take for that active lifestyle to result in the dollar-store-grade plastic hinge that keeps the lid in place from snapping off?
Constructed from ultra-durable neons!
Once that happens, this is just a cup that's half filled with disappointment and empty space.
On the bright side, at least it's only four ounces of empty space, so it's not like you were going to fit a lot in there anyway.
Most of the ads for it feature sliced fruit in the snack chamber, which seems mighty ambitious. It's not like this cup is refrigerated. That fruit is going to turn disgusting in pretty short order.
One of the suggested uses on the website literally says "milk and cookies, anyone?" So ... now we're taking the lid off altogether? That's the only way this thing will be remotely useful for a snack task of that magnitude. At that point, it's just a cup and a bowl. You probably have both of those things now. In fact, of all the suggested locations where this gadget might be useful ...
... not a single one really speaks to why the snacks and drinks have to be in the same dish. On the couch? That's probably the last place you need it. Commuters? Why, so your free hand can molest the disgusting walls of your chosen public transportation method of choice? Fuck that, put a drink in one hand and a bag of chips in the other, if for no other reason than to avoid touching anything else around you. Or, better yet, just wait to eat when you're taking a shit or something. Probably far less chance of picking up a virus that way.
Also, good luck locating a reasonable explanation for why a person would ever need to spring for the light-up version referenced anywhere on the site.
Don't do this.
They just toss it out there as an option like it's not the weirdest fucking suggestion ever.
I mean, I get that, on the surface, this seems like a great idea, but that's because every product like this seems like a good idea, at least for one fleeting moment. That's exactly what the people hoping to exploit your need for free time for their own personal gain want. Time to put snacks and drinks in separate containers? Hell, you don't even have time to think about whether that's a problem or not! Best to just pay the $9.95 and hope the Snackeez is everything it claims.
It won't be, and you damn well know it. With all due respect to the George Foreman grill, these products rarely are. We buy them anyway, though, because $9.95 (plus shipping and handling) is a small price to pay for a temporary ray of hope that life will get easier soon.
Adam will be telling jokes at the Guild Cinema in Albuquerque, NM on 11/17 and 11/18 with a whole bunch of other funny people and you should definitely come. Get tickets and more info here. For even more (and better) reading about food, pick up a copy of Jim Gaffigan's new book, Food: A Love Story literally everywhere that sells books. Also, save time in the kitchen by following Adam on Twitter.
For more from Adam, check out 5 Allegedly Awful Foods Everyone Should Try Once. And then check out 20 Terrifying Facts Food Companies Don't Want You to Know.