The 20 Stupidest GI Joe Vehicles Ever
So awhile back I wrote about how the military was taking inspiration from dinosaurs and psychotropic drugs (probably) when designing the next generation of military vehicles. I managed to sneak in a good joke about Voltron before the whole thing degenerated into the sort of shoddy list-based nonsense that passes for comedy around here. Seriously, some days we're just running around playing grab-ass here. Shortly after the article went live it occurred to me that I had omitted to mention the absolute pinnacle of military vehicle insanity: The GI Joe universe. And so, as we wrap up the 7th and most boring year yet of the War on Terror, I'd like to take you back to a world where wars were cooler, and way stupider... __ The 20 Stupidest GI Joe Vehicles Ever All photos courtesy of yojoe.com #20. You're going to see this a lot in the next couple minutes: a whole bunch of guys hanging off the back of nearly every god damned vehicle. I don't know why – nowhere in the Joe canon does it specify why they've taken their design cues from a Central American public transit system. #19. Famously no-one ever actually gets shot in the GI Joe universe, which is why they have such curious ideas about how to armor vehicles. We're approaching Pope-Mobile territory with all this glass. #18. A multi-cultural group of friends are out for an adventure and learn what matters more: the size of your tank, or the size of your heart.
The Buzz Boar is easily the most devastating weapon in the COBRA arsenal, if viewed from the perspective of a weary parks groundskeeper.
The D.E.M.O.N. can raise itself vertically on extendable legs, and is thought to be the only tank in the world capable of launching the deadly Teabag ordinance.
Here the "dudes hanging off the side" motif has gone a smidge too far. If that boat is symmetrical, I have no idea what that poor scuba diver is standing on. A seal? It's a mystery.
The Fang is possibly the most fragile air vehicle in history, and during the COBRA Wars of the 1980’s, American forces shot down 14,982 of them, injuring close to a dozen pilots.
Equal parts dangerous and hilarious; I particularly like the alternate spelling of "trouble."
This one hits pretty much all the GI Joe vehicle high spots: Huge glass cockpits, a scarily exposed turret, and the ability to launch smaller, more comical vehicles. The only thing missing from this is about 12 dudes hanging off of it, but for all I know, they could be on the other side.
A classic of COBRA military design, the elevated treads serve no purpose other than to make it look cooler, but they certainly succeed at that.