G.I. Joe

At the end of every episode of the G.I. Joe cartoon, a character would appear to teach children that "knowing is half the battle." Luckily, any children who watched the show or bought the toys knew about the other, more awesome half of the battle...

The important part of the first half: knowing how awesome rockets are.

Much like life, rockets don't always make sense.

G.I. Joe's weapon design strategy.

Just The Facts

  1. Knowledge of G.I. Joe has been disavowed by the current, and all previous administrations.
  2. They have been accused of employing harsh interrogation techniques to extract information from enemy combatants.
  3. They have lasers.

G.I. Joe: Overview and Weaponry

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An elite task force, G.I. Joe's primary objectives are counterterrorism, counterinsurgency and national intervention operations, although it is an extremely versatile group capable of assuming many covert missions, including, but not limited to, rescuing hostages, raids and eliminating covert enemy forces. G.I. Joe conducts missions similar to those attributed to the British Special Air Service (SAS), on which it was originally modeled.

Light armored Sikorsky Blackhawk helicopter used by G.I. Joe

As a black ops unit, G.I. Joe is reported to have a nearly unchecked budget. leading to what some critics believe is excessive spending on advances firepower and technology, as reported in the article The 20 Stupidest G.I. Joe Vehicles. Apologists for the unit, however, argue that the extreme use of advanced weaponry is necessary in the modern war on terror.

Rachel Nichols, Hummer, HX, Karolina Kurkova

Testing TOW rooftop-mounted missile system with HX concept vehicle and two operatives of questionable combat value.

Recruitment Techniques

Recruited NFL player William "The Refrigerator" Perry on a rescue mission in Croatia

Typically, the squad recruits the best and brightest from all branches of the military, as well as the Coast Guard, miltary academies, WWF, (WWE?) the National Football League and the Ford Modeling Agency.

Karolina Kurkova, G.I. Joe, Cover Girl

Cobra (The Enemy)

Cobra Commander, the leader of the international terrorist group known as Cobra, is suspected to be former U.S. Marine Tommy Burgess, who reportedly became disillusioned after returning home from the Gulf War. Burgess, seen here in in happier times, has dabbled in matchmaking from time to time, as revealed in Cobra Commander's Dating Tips.

Joseph Gordon Leavitt, Cobra Commander