So You're Accidentally Stalking Helen Mirren
If you're a kid you might not recognize her, but most of us will know her from her acclaimed work in both grown-up films and adult films._ But I don't hate Helen Mirren at all. That's odd. Do you really love her instead? Like so much that you'd get kind of weird about it? Can you imagine yourself holding her over the rim of a volcano, vowing to destroy her if you can't have her? I cannot. I've got no strong feelings at all about Helen Mirren, and volcanoes are infrequent in this area. Hmm. In that case, you've probably gotten tangled up in one of those Strangers on a Train type situations, where you made a bargain with a stranger to do something for you in exchange for harassing Helen Mirren.
"Why? She knows what she did."_
Twelve ounces worth, with, evidently, a return address._
"Halt!"_ Come on -- onto Helen Mirren's house. If it makes you feel any better, there is a method to this madness.
"Although it is unprecedented to apply the death sentence for a simple case of trespassing, your legal defense was so bad, I can't see that I have any choice."_
"My client does not approve of the direction this article is taking." - Helen Mirren's attorney._
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