So You Forgot You Had To Go To Work Today
Depending on your country of residence, the amount of vacation time you get per year and the gods you worship, you've quite possibly just spent the last 10 days off work. And now, as the morning dawns on the 11th day of your vacation, something feels amiss. You have an unsettling feeling that something is wrong in the world, as if the universe has gas. Concerned, you immediately visited Cracked.com, which has grown to become a spiritual guide to you over these years. And that's where you found this guide ...What's wrong? Why do I feel so uneasy?You have spent most of the past 10 days in the embrace of gravy-based meals and liqueur-filled chocolates, which has done no favors to your body or soul.
Splut._ That rings a bell, but I don't recall having enough of those to do that much damage.There's also the matter of New Year's Eve and the volumes of white liquor you ingested.No, there's something else. Something bigger than that. I feel like I'm forgetting something.It might have something to do with it being 11:30 in the morning on Tuesday, January 3rd, and how you should have been at work for several hours now.
I believe you said that they talked too much in movie theaters._So I'm screwed then?Oh no. It's highly unlikely the Lizardfolk even exist, and if they do, claims that they secretly run the government are certainly exaggerated. You should be fine.
Puppies are, in every measurable way, better than human babies.Wow, check out the motor-genius. And yet you don't know how calendars work? Who's the advice column here?
The vacant armhole suggest this particular inner ear is up to something suspicious.Fine. If you're going to be such an ear-stuff baby, here's what we'll do: You're going to beat yourself up a bit and claim you were mugged.
(thinking) "I bet this is the idiot who keeps getting poop underneath the seat."Dammit. She'll queer the whole deal. You're going to have to silence her.
Your mother should have warned you about mops.Easy now. Come on. Is she still hitting you?
For more help from Bucholz you shouldn't follow, check out The Cheater's Guide to Winning Online Arguments and 8 Zombie Apocalypse Survival Strategies (For Zombies).