Is Shia LaBeouf an Idiot?
Shia LaBeouf has been making the news lately while on the circuit promoting his latest robot film and fucking it up entirely. In recent months, he's admitted that he kind of thinks his director, Michael Bay, is sexist, and related the tale of how he hooked up with Megan Fox while she was involved with her current husband. Keep in mind, this is during an interview where a grinning simpleton is lobbing softball questions about how great it must be working with these professionals. Acing these interviews is the easiest thing in the world, and now said world has to wonder, is this guy an idiot? "Yes," says Harrison Ford, star of every movie you've ever liked. He said as much to LaBeouf when they were promoting the fourth Indiana Jones film, interviews during which LaBeouf went on at some length about how sorry he was for how awful the fourth Indiana Jones film was. Savvy Hollywood veteran Ford rightfully pointed out that while promoting a movie it's customary to promote the goddamned movie, son.
Deep in thought or a failed nose pick?Eager to get to the bottom of this, and also to have an unhinged loose cannon fire off quotable slander in our offices, we invited Shia to come sit down with us for an interview. ___________________________ Cracked: Hi Shia, welcome to Crackedcess Hollywood. I'd like to thank you for being with us. Shia LaBeouf: Wait. What did you say? What's this place? C: Crackedcess Hollywood. SLB: I thought this was supposed to be Access Hollywood. -fiddles with phone- C: I'm sorry for the mix-up, and would like to preemptively claim outrage at any suggestion you might make that we named this feature after a popular entertainment news show to mislead you. SLB: Ahh. OK. C: Simply outraged. SLB: It's cool. One thing though. Why are we in your lunch room? C: Needed a place with a table. Michael Swaim: -breezily enters room, opens fridge- Hey, guys. C: Hey Michael. Whatcha got there? MS: Sandwich. C: Hilarious! MS: -gun fingers, double-wink, breezily leaves room- C: So then. The interview. SLB: Righhhhhhht. C: A lot of people are throwing around the words "Shia" and "Oscar" and "No" and "Chance" and "Hell" these days. Others are including the preposition "In." Still more are using the word "Idiot." So my first question is: Do you have anything to say to that? SLB: Well I'm not an idiot. C: No? Because there is some documentation of this. There was the incident where you got arrested because you
You can tell it's him from that faint feeling of dread and unhappiness you get looking at the picture.SLB: OK, sure. C: What was up with that? Like an arts and crafts thing? Are you still in school? I don't really know how actor school works. You've basically got a second grade education, right? SLB: Hey back off, man. No, it's just that when you get the paparazzi around you all the time, it makes you go a little haywire. That's all. C: That's fair I guess. In high school, I once got into a shouting match with the yearbook guy from Jostens. Same thing I guess. SLB: Sure. Sure. C: I'm all like, "But they're our school colors!" and he's all like, "You can't wear crepe paper and saran wrap in this photo." SLB: Right. C: He's all like,
For more Bucholz, check out Complaints to Domino's That They Didn't Put in Their Ad and The Most Powerful Man in the World: The Voice in Your GPS.