I'm Not Qualified to Write This Post
Well folks, Spring is here which, for most people means love is in the air. For the nerdy, pasty, internet obsessed tech crowd, however, (that's you, Cracked.com readers!), it means one thing: South by Southwest. That's right, the 22nd Annual South by Southwest Festival, a celebration of music, movies, technology and the internet, is going on all this week. Bloggers, pseudo-celebrities and nerds everywhere are flocking to Texas for a week of boner-inducing inter-news, and as an incredibly important and influential Cracked Blogger, it's only natural that I should be in attendance. I don't mean to brag, but as an experienced journalist, I have somewhat of a knack for sensing when something huge is about to happen and, let me tell you, I had one hell of a hunch that this particular SXSW festival was going to be different. Something big was going to go down, and I wanted to be there when it happened. If my hunch was accurate, (and they always are), this story could almost guarantee me a Pulitzer. Alternately, I heard Jenna Fischer was going to be there, and I’ve always kind of wanted to ask her if she’s ever seriously considered taking a shower with me.
fucking life-changing that, after you read it, your head will literally spit your eyes right off your god damn face because your brain would realize that there’s no point in reading anything else ever. Got that? Your brain says you don’t even
I went to visit Cracked’s Head Editor Jack O’Brien last week to see about getting a plane ticket to the event… “Let me ask you something, Jack Rabbit-” I began “Don’t call me that” he interrupted. “What if I was to tell you that I’m planning an article so controversial, so inspirational, so
I smiled, lost in the brilliance and eloquence of my proposal. “Dan, I gotta be honest … I can’t give you any of this.” “Why the hell not?” If I hadn’t already swiped his wallet, you can bet your ass I’d have been swipin’ it then. Swipin’ it like a motherfucker. “Well, gosh, Dan, so many reasons. We don’t have this kind of budget, for one thing. A good portion of the items on this list aren’t real, and uhh, some of these things, I just wouldn’t feel
Some more of Daniel's stuff can be found here and sometimes here. But not here.