Miley, Mandy and Me (Hannah Montana’s a Bitch)
Some of you may not be aware of this, but the contract for being a Cracked Blogger states that you have to share a house with all of the other Cracked Bloggers. I moved in a couple of weeks ago. It’s not so bad. I share a bed with Gladstone, who is, astonishingly enough, even hairier than he looks on film. I miss my girlfriend and family and sometimes it’s a little uncomfortable, living in a small house with five other guys. Also, I don’t think Swaim knows that I’m part black. I’m running out of excuses to give him when he asks me to accompany him to his White Supremacist meetings, which actually happen a lot more frequently than you might expect.
It gets awkward.
No matter how strange and often aggravating living in a Cracked House gets, I can’t imagine that it would ever be quite as irritating as sharing a house with that bitch who plays Hannah Montana. What is that belief based on, you ask? An irrational hatred that, perhaps, borders on obsessive? Not this time. (Those other times, though, yes, absolutely.) This time around, I have hardcore evidence to back up my reasons for thinking Hannah “The Holocaust Never Happened” Montana would make an awful roommate. Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to present that bitch who plays Hannah Montana’s new Youtube show “The Miley and Mandy Show.”
If you didn’t watch it, (which would be totally understandable), I can sum it up: Hannah Montana and her stupid fucking friend run around for about eight minutes screaming at the top of their lungs for no discernible reason. Also, she has more money than you could ever imagine and she’s never had to put in an honest day’s work once in her life. I just don’t understand why this grinning, shrieking harpy is famous for anything. Again, I don’t watch whatever her actual TV show is, but is it anything like this? Two unremarkable fifteen year olds doing cartwheels and flaunting their giant teeth? Why does this little bastard-faced fathead have so much more money than I do?
Instead of complaining to strangers and sending hate mail to where I assume Hannah lives, (which I do on a daily basis), I’ll drown my sorrows in some of my favorite Montana’s-a-Bitch-isms (“Mabisms”) from last week:
“Hannah Montana is the reason your dad left.”-uber
“Hannah Montana poops in your coffee, every single morning.” -tashton
“Hanna Montana has had, to date, 665 abortions. The 666th will be the antichrist.” -Garida
“Hannah Montana secretly masterminded the assassination of Benazir Bhutto. She’s totally, like, soooo against a Democratic Pakistan y’all.” -lbh
“Hannah Montana is calling you from INSIDE THE HOUSE!” -pimphand
“Hannah Montana keeps JFK and John Lennon as pets on a derelict island in the south pacific.”-IHateHannah
“Nicolas Cage has made many bad movies.” -Gladstone
“New Hannah Montana album tracklisting:
1. Communism Rocks!
2. Mahmoud Ahmadinejab is My Best Friend
3. Eat Your Parents
4. Hey Kids! Meth Tastes Like Candy!
5. Mmmm… Baby Rape!
6. Heil Hannah!
7. Murder is Fun For Everyone
8. KILL!!!!!!!
9. I Just Ate a Kitten
10. Fuck the Geneva Convention
11. So What (Anti-Nowhere League cover… look up the lyrics)” -Vimmy
“Hannah Montana invented racism.
Hannah Montana gave Michael J. Fox Parkinson’s.
Hannah Montana is a Patriots fan.” -Neil
“Hannah Montana once hurt me badly.
I wrote a film script I was extremely proud of, and I was copyediting it one night, when the window beside blew through into a million splinterry pieces. Then, dressed in a black cloak, Hannah Montana stepped through under cover of a howling gale, grinning like a loon.
“I demand your script, I’ve heard about it in my underground cave of doom, and I think it’s going to make me even MORE of a millionaire.”
“No Hannah Montana, this is MY script. I worked very hard on this,” I told her, quite sadly.
“Ignorant peon, stand aside.”
She took my script by brute force, and for good measure, kicked my cat up the butt. Then she left, cackling manically.
My cat can’t sit down properly any more. And she turned my stolen film script into the Bratz Movie and sold it on.” -Captain Ross
“Hannah Montana gave Magic Johnson AIDS.”-Oleo
“Hannah Montana told me she was 19.” -Juanito Gallo
And my personal favorite:
“Who the fuck is Hannah Montana?” -newslamp
February 29th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Who the fuck is that bitch who plays “Hannah Montana”?
February 29th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH DIE BITCH.
February 29th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
hannah Montana started Scientology.
February 29th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Hannah Montana steals the batteries to Stephen Hawking’s wheelchair.
February 29th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
I am Hanna Montana. Computers are pretty nifty, eh?
February 29th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Hannah Montana killed Jesus. Again.
February 29th, 2008 at 4:41 pm
Hannah Montana BEFORE she ingested the still-beating heart of a virgin princess, on a mountaintop, during a full moon: http://www.artinthepicture.com/artists/Quentin_Massys/ugly.jpeg
February 29th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Hannah Montana lied about weapons of mass destruction.
February 29th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
hannah montana’s penis dwarfs your shriveled, pathetic member.
February 29th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Aw, man. The spacing in apocowarg’s post doesn’t line up right. That’s gonna bug me all night. Is Hannah Montana fucking with the alignment of our comments?
February 29th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
I think it’s incredibly likely that she is, kingmonkey +1. I can’t think of any other reasonable explanation. I wouldn’t be surprised if she turned out to be behind apocowarg’s apparent malfunctioning Caps Lock key as well.
February 29th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
Hannah Montana fixed the elections. Hillary will win.
February 29th, 2008 at 5:17 pm
Hannah Montana is the reason you work at a crappy nowhere job, and is that all encompassing feeling of sadness and woe that envelopes you everyday….
….also she has smelly feet.
February 29th, 2008 at 5:27 pm
Hannah Montana finished the last of ice cream. (Because she was out of Babtized babies).
February 29th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
Hannah Montana is Cloverfield
Hannah Montana startled the horse that Christopher Reeve was riding
Hannah Montana gave me Erectile Dysfunction
February 29th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
Hannah Montanna killed my mother, and raped my father! Like, in the butt!
February 29th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
What the fuck is that house made of Legos? Hannh Montana made Nic Cage make Ghost Rider.
February 29th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
Hannah Montana wrote Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3.
February 29th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Hannah Montana canceled Star Trek. Bitch.
February 29th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
Hannah Montana does not derive her name from the state of Montana, but rather a bastardization of the 7th level of Viking hell, Mont’Ana
February 29th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
Montana is responsible for a) Nazi’s
b) The lack of civil rights in America
c) Poverty
d) Disease
e) War
f) Dead puppies
g) The McCartney’s splitting up
h) The assassination of Abraham Lincoln
I) Gettysberg
J) The Gene Simmons sex tape
k) Homeless people
L) Why we cant find Osama
M) Prince Harry’s deployment to Afghanistan
N) Cancer
O) Delayed airplanes/trains
P) Slavery
Q) Prostitution
R) Child Molestation (Yes, I went there)
S) The inability to harness Nuclear fusion
T) Communism
U) Congestion charges (Its a london thing)
V) Catherine tate (Its a British thing)
W) The corruption of third world governments
X) Micro$oft
Y) Princess Diana’s death (yes I went there too)
Z) Heather Mills only having one leg
February 29th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
So who’s going to go ahead and make a Hannah Montana random fact generator? I see plenty of viable submissions.
Also, O’Brien: Could you get your laundry out of the drier? I’ve got to wash some white sheets for a thing at 8.
February 29th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
I watched a minute and got too bored to continue. Can someone give me a (serious) rundown on what makes her such a bitch in that video? Or a time to skip to?
February 29th, 2008 at 7:02 pm
Hannah Montana invented Leap Year just so she could get in an extra day of bludgeoning orphans to death with sacks full of kittens.
February 29th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
Hannah Montana personally spits in your burger.
Hannah Montana bombed Dresden.
Hannah Montana tells black street gangs that guns and drugs are cool.
Hannah Montana hates sunshine and love.
February 29th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
When you shoot Hannah Montana, her body lies still sufficiently long enough for you to be reassured of her demise, then when you turn your back she gets back up again.
February 29th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
Hannah Montana stole a cookie from the cookie jar.
Hannah Montana moved my cheese.
February 29th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Hannah Montanna is the reason you can’t get laid.
Hannah Montanna farted on your pillow.
Hannah Montanna borrows your shit without asking first.
February 29th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
Hannah Montana stole Christmas, and framed the grinch.
Hannah Montana’s the reason Good Burger didn’t go straight to video.
Hannah Montana raped Nanking.
February 29th, 2008 at 10:36 pm
The weird thing is Dan actually does have his own bed.
February 29th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
Hannah Montana offered Hitler the Sudetenland, because she’s a coward.
Hannah Montana composts abortion-clinic leavings in her backyard in exchange for frequent-aborter discounts.
February 29th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
Hannah Montana’s breakfast consists of a broiled puppy and coffee ground from the blood of a woman’s firstborn child.
February 29th, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Why is she famous? Hannah Montana might be proof that God is dead.
February 29th, 2008 at 11:44 pm
Hannah Montana uses the strategic planting of false rumors on MySpace to drive troublesome underlings to suicide.
March 1st, 2008 at 12:27 am
hannah montana stole your yogurt in the fridge at your office.
hannah montana made Michael Jackson white.
hannah montana cut off Billy Ray Cyrus’ ear while dancing to “Stuck in the Middle with You”.
March 1st, 2008 at 12:30 am
Hannah Montana made Michael Jackson white.
March 1st, 2008 at 12:41 am
Hanna Montana is the Cracken.
Hanna Montana made Matrix Revolutions.
Hanna Montana clubs baby seals, then clubs baby seal clubbers, then eats them both.
Hanna Montana spreads her Hepatitis F to 12 year old boys.
I really want to steal that one about bludgeoning orphans with sacks of kittens hahaha. nice one jedoc. MagicPaul’s one is funny too..
March 1st, 2008 at 12:46 am
“Z) Heather Mills only having one leg”
If that was Montana’s doing, then I applaud her.
(please note that as soon as I realized that I was clapping for Hannah Montana, I chopped off my hands)
March 1st, 2008 at 2:47 am
Daniel O’Brien is secretly in love with Hannah Montana.
March 1st, 2008 at 2:47 am
Is Hannah Montana the reason why we don’t have a “Nooner” today?
March 1st, 2008 at 2:48 am
Hey, someone noticed! Ross will be pleased. Assuming he recovers, of course.
March 1st, 2008 at 2:56 am
I loved reading the comments of that posted video.
“Hi, I like you, message me if you want!”
“I made a fan site for you! Come visit it if you want!”
“Hey, I really like the video! You’re so great!”
“Hero worship is unhealthy!”
Well, that last one I posted. Probably already buried.
March 1st, 2008 at 3:22 am
hannah montana is driving the economy into recession.
hannah montana stole my lunch money.
hannah montana thinks she’s soooo cool just because her name rhymes. too bad that bitch had to make it up.
March 1st, 2008 at 3:42 am
For some reason the name “Hannah Montana” conjures up the image of a very reasonably priced prostitute from Atlantic City.
I hope said streetwalker gives Ross the antidote by Monday.
March 1st, 2008 at 3:59 am
Wait! Is O’Brien continuing this epic “Hannah Montana” bashing, because he knows that the comments will keep coming in? Or is it pure delicious loathing? Could this eventually lead to “Arrested Development” proportions?
(please overlook that I have commented three times. I have…)
March 1st, 2008 at 7:19 am
You’re only PART right, Nadia. The sad truth? Ross IS Hannah Montana.
March 1st, 2008 at 8:55 am
hannah montana stopped pluto being a planet just so she could destroy it and use its fragments for teeth.
she lost her originals because of sucking too much cock/ they smashed during a particularly horrible bout of banshee wailing “singing”/ biting the head off of an iron bat.
delete as applicable
March 1st, 2008 at 9:56 am
Gladstone, I don’t think Ross is Hannah, because George Bush is Hannah Montana.
March 1st, 2008 at 11:11 am
Hanna Montana took down Gladstone’s Amy Winehouse interview?
March 1st, 2008 at 11:22 am
Click my name! Hannah Montana turns normal little girls into screaming, child-eating drug dealing whores! And she makes their parents let her!
Also, she hosts 4chan.
March 1st, 2008 at 11:50 am
Hannah Montana is why your parents don’t love you.
Hannah Montana is why your parents got divorced.
Hannah Montana is why, in just a few short years, the teen pregancy rate will go up 1000%.
Hannah Montana has corrupted your children.
March 1st, 2008 at 12:05 pm
Hannah Montana is a nazi communist.
Hannah Montana writes MCR’s songs.
Hiroshima and Nagasaki weren’t nuked - Hannah Montana stepped on them.
Hannah Montana sacrifices children and pregnant women to Cthulhu.
March 1st, 2008 at 12:18 pm
You know Daniel Day-Lewis’ role in “there will be blood”? Totally based off of Hannah Montana. She drinks your milkshake
March 1st, 2008 at 1:15 pm
Hannah Montana put nipples in the bat suit
Hannah Montana created Jar Jar Binks
Hannah Montana is your father!!!
Hannah Montana hate Nazis because their method were not cruel enough
Hannah Montana had both Hitler’s and L Ron Hubbards children
Hannah Montana shot Abraham Lincoln
Hannah Montana is why Micheal Jackson is what he is today.
March 1st, 2008 at 1:21 pm
hannah montana likes soccer
March 1st, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Hannah Montana gave Len Bias coke
March 1st, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Hannah Montana has a blow-up doll of Hitler that she has sex with every night.
Hannah Montana was BFFs with Josef Mengele.
Hannah Montana personally killed every victim of the Holocaust.
Hannah Montana once had an amusement park built just to entertain her. It was called Auschwitz.
March 1st, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Hannah Montana - When regular Montana just isn’t evil enough
March 1st, 2008 at 7:29 pm
It seems like we’re not the only one bash her
http://movies.msn.com/movies/PMG/teenidols?GT1=7701&silentchk=1&
March 1st, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Hannah Montana raised gas prices.
March 1st, 2008 at 8:32 pm
Hannah Montana tells little children that it rains because they make God cry.
Hannah Montana helped Thomas Edison steal Nikola Tesla’s inventions.
Hannah Montana funds genocides in Africa.
March 1st, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Satan worships Hannah Montana.
Hannah Montana was the one behind the grassy knoll.
You know how sometimes you’re on the verge of falling asleep and you get that feeling like you’ve just lost your balance and are about to fall down? Hannah Montana.
I one took a train ride through Montana. The scenery was quite nice. When I went to the bathroom, found out it was even smaller than the ones on planes. Know whose idea that was? HANNAH!
Hannah Montana is the black smoke creature on Lost.
March 1st, 2008 at 8:56 pm
I didn’t realize how deep her voice was. She sounds like a 30-something dude.
March 1st, 2008 at 9:16 pm
Hannah Montana killed Archduke Fraz Ferdinand.
Remember Hurricaine Katrina? Hannah Montana was behind that. She was going to burn New Orleans, but instead decided it would be easier just to piss all over it.
Hannah Montana canceled Futurama, Firefly and Family Guy.
Hannah Montana personally pisses in your cereal every morning.
Hannah Montana makes both baby and adult Jesus cry. At the same time. Along with Vishnu, Buddah, Muhammad and God.
Babies cry when they’re born because of Hannah Montana.
Hannah Montana is the reason for SIDS.
Hannah Montana is the monster under your bed. And the one in your closet.
Hannah Montana scares the Boogeyman shitless.
Hannah Montana is the one who changed the plot of Aliens 3. She’s also the one who made them make Alien Resurrection.
Hannah Montana, when she has time between her KKK and Hitler Youth meetings, has fun punting kittens and babies off buildings.
Hannah Montana made Freddie Mercury get AIDs, because she if he was still alive when she tried to launch her reign of terror (or, as some would say, career), no one would pay attention to her.
March 1st, 2008 at 9:16 pm
What’s sad is that her cousin is in a pretty good dance-rock band. But he still has the blood of the antichrist in his veins, so we must slay the beast!
March 1st, 2008 at 9:43 pm
Hannah Montana shot my dad.
March 1st, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Hannah Montana gave me AIDS.
March 1st, 2008 at 9:49 pm
Hannah Montana took my virginity.
March 1st, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Hannah Montana was piolting the plane that had Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and J.P. Richardson in it.
March 1st, 2008 at 10:07 pm
Hannah Montana shot J.R.
March 1st, 2008 at 10:49 pm
Hannah Montana encouraged Michael Swaim to make his writing public.
March 1st, 2008 at 10:50 pm
Hannah Montana curbstomps orphans.
March 1st, 2008 at 10:51 pm
and she blocked Dennis Kucinich from televised debates.
March 1st, 2008 at 11:12 pm
Hannah Montana made all the spelling and grammar mistakes on the internet.
March 2nd, 2008 at 12:13 am
Hannah Montana sold nulcear secrets to the soviets.
March 2nd, 2008 at 12:15 am
Hannah Montana killed Jean-Benet Ramsey.
March 2nd, 2008 at 12:47 am
Hannah Montana was under the desk in the oval office with me, sorry Hillary.
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:20 am
Hannah Montana caused every hangnail you ever had.
Hannah Montana goes to the Special Olympics every year, armed with soiled diapers and tampons with which to reign punishment for not running fast enough.
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:24 am
Hannah Montana is in the other room right now, telling your wife EVERYTHING.
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:26 am
Hannah Monana is Will Ferrell’s teeth.
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:30 am
Okay, I am all for HM being responsible for genocide, brutal dictatorships of third world countries, and all around good time cannibalistic rituals, but handling bodily waste is just wrong!
Also, if Dave Coulier, Charo, Flava Flav, and the numerous other “celebrities” can get Vh1 to shill out for a mansion, why can’t your pad have at least five rooms? I mean closets count right?
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:31 am
Hannah Montana made Rocky lose.
March 2nd, 2008 at 3:46 am
Hannah Montana raises the price of gas. Because she thinks it’s fun.
She may have also founded the Soviet Union - at least, that’s what Wikipedia says.
March 2nd, 2008 at 3:56 am
Hannah Montanna is responsible for some truly terrible music.
March 2nd, 2008 at 4:25 am
Hannah Montana invented crack and crystal meth.
March 2nd, 2008 at 4:59 am
Hannah Montana cancelled Arrested Development
Hannah Montana supplied the Rwandan Intermahamwe with machetes in 1994.
Hannah Montana was Rick Astley’s co-writer in the 1980s.
Hannah Montana invented reality TV.
All of which would be forgivable if only this were not true…
Hannah Montana IS your father!
March 2nd, 2008 at 8:09 am
Hannah Montana is the love child of Freddy Kruger and Hillary Clinton.
Hannah Montana worships John Wayne Gacy
Hannah Montana is responsible for bowel incontinence.
Hannah Montana sucks the souls of newborn babies.
Hannah Montana created Limbo ( and not the dance).
Hannah Montana is one of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse.
Hannah Montana made Wild Hogs.
Hannah Montana killed Walt Disney.
Hannah Montana is in your backseat.
Hannah Montana smuggles drugs in the hollowed-out bodies of babies.
Hannah Montana invented the tapeworm.
Hannah Montana is the reason why this happened: (warning: disturbing picture)
http://www.snopes.com/horrors/insects/wormeye.asp
March 2nd, 2008 at 9:26 am
Hannah Montana created the TV show “Everybody loves Raymond.”
Hannah Montana is the reason Cracked magazine failed.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Hannah Montana did it.
Hannah Montana broke up the Beatles AND killed John Lennon.
Hannah Montana created Windows Vista.
March 2nd, 2008 at 10:10 am
Hannah Montana makes you sleep on the wet spot.
(Not Cracked’s “Wet Spot”, but either way….ew)
March 2nd, 2008 at 10:12 am
Hannah Montana invented cankles.
March 2nd, 2008 at 10:35 am
Yes, Daniel has his own bed but Hannah Montana makes him sleep in Gladstone’s…
March 2nd, 2008 at 10:36 am
… then she makes him sleep on Gladstone’s wet spot.
March 2nd, 2008 at 10:55 am
Hannah told Hitler that Jews eat puppies
March 2nd, 2008 at 10:56 am
Hannah Montana is working to repeal the 14th Ammendment
March 2nd, 2008 at 10:59 am
Thanks for the reminder Nadia. See how I broke it up there ?
Too bad that even if Daniel’s blog beats Swaim’s record for most replies, Hannah Montana will keep him from getting a handjob.
March 2nd, 2008 at 10:59 am
Fact list, per Swaim’s suggestion, would be a good idea about now. Some ideas are getting repeated.
March 2nd, 2008 at 11:33 am
lbh. HM makes O’Brien sleep on MY wetspot? Not THE wetspot? I’m just checking because I actually have several wetspots. Aside from being a chronic bedwetter, I also lactate in the presence of half-black comedic Irishmen.
March 2nd, 2008 at 11:47 am
I hate this website people are swaring about a good celebrity that sings well I love Hannah Montana HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS
HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS
HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS
HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS
HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS
HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS
HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS
HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS
HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS
HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS
HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS
HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS
HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS
HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS
HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS HANNAH ROCKS
March 2nd, 2008 at 11:53 am
Wow, and I thought Cracked was sure to be on those parental-blocker lists.
March 2nd, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Hannah Montana is responsible for global warming.
The Us government isnt behind 9/11, hannah montana is.
Hannah Montana all the members of Fallout Boy to play their instruments.
Hannah Montana is behing Vanilla Ice’s rap, and film career.
Hannah montana directed 2 Girls One Cup, Meatspin, and Church of Fudge.
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:26 pm
-Hannah Montana Fucked the first monkey with AIDS so she could try to kill all the black people in Africa
-Hannah Montana is responsible for seasons 6 through infinity of the Simpsons
-Hannah Montana is the lovechild of Satan and Adolf Hitler
Doubt me and be smited!
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:27 pm
That means you Beckie
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Hannah Montana is the Antichuck Noris.
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Oh you can all go to hell
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:53 pm
-Hannah Montana invented the tamagotchi
-Hannah Montana got Jamie Lynne Spears pregnant just to eliminate the competition
-Hannah Montana is responsible for the Crusades
(By the way, I am an atheist, and i think that religion is rather humorous)
March 2nd, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Wow, I was gonna type a Hannah Montana joke, but you guys have covered all the best ground.
Surprised, however, that no one has yet mentioned that she’s hogging Yellowstone National Park and that she’s responsible for Custer’s last stand.
March 2nd, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Hannah Montana taught Beckie how to spell. “Swaring”, I mean come on Hannah, No Child Left Behind. Isn’t that what Hitler wanted.
March 2nd, 2008 at 3:38 pm
And I’d do it all again. In drag.
Also I’ve crossed a lie detector with a Tiny-Tears doll and called it Jesus. I’m going to sell it to Catholics so that they can prove to their children lies make baby Jesus cry.
I also used a vampire-cameraman when I made the video clip above, notice how he doesn’t reflect in the mirror behind us?
March 2nd, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Hannah Montana uses a baby’s femur to snort cocain.
March 2nd, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Hannah Montana raped our horses and rode off on our women!
March 2nd, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Hannah Montana invented the Bloods and the Crips, and told them to fight for her amusement or face death at the hands of her scorpion claws.
March 2nd, 2008 at 5:12 pm
Every Ricky Martin song is about Hannah Montana.
March 2nd, 2008 at 5:17 pm
I dont get it. Having no real experience of Hannah Montana, though it doesnt take much to guess how the show works, this chick seems no more annoying than any other twatty teenage girl. The vast majority of them behave like this. Seems to me your resentment stems from the illegality of boning the little bitch and the inevitability that your eventual proposition on her 18th birthday will result in her slapping you in the face with a clump of 100 dollar bills before her bodyguards proceed to pummel the sexual frustration out of you.
March 2nd, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Flash, after ‘I just don’t get it’ please stop talking.
March 2nd, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Gladstone, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that lactating issue…The moisture and the wild, uncontrollable chest hair combine for a pretty strong Wet Dog Situation that, I gotta tell you, makes it pretty difficult to sleep.
March 2nd, 2008 at 6:44 pm
Hannah Montana is responsible for Gladstone’s chest hair.
Hannah Montana told Osama that the US called his mother a whore back in 2000.
Hannah Montana uses kitten skulls to drink the blood of newborns.
Hannah Montana has has over 1,000 children, and ate every one of them as soon as they were born.
Hannah Montana gave Fox the idea for American Idol.
Remember how, in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, they get served chilled monkey brains for dessert? Hannah Montana eats those every day.
Hannah Montana killed Obi-Wan. And Chewbacca.
Hannah Montana is plotting your death as we speak.
Hannah Montana smuggled anthrax into America in her ass.
Hannah Montana is going to neuter you in your sleep tonight.
Hannah Montana once planted a kilo of cocaine in my car. Then she paid all the guys in prison to rape me. And then she raped them. With a power drill.
Hannah Montana is the creator of goatse.
Hannah Montana thinks you’re a pussy.
Hannah Montana is going to get you, and your little dog too.
March 2nd, 2008 at 7:25 pm
Hannah montana killed tupac.
March 2nd, 2008 at 7:26 pm
I think it’s funny that that guy basically admitted to writing the Bratz movie.
March 2nd, 2008 at 7:34 pm
Hannah Montana helped BillyRay Cyrus get back on TV.
March 2nd, 2008 at 8:32 pm
Hannah Montana is responsible for celebrity dating shows on MTV.
Hannah Montana sucks the souls out of orphans then uses the power to bludgeon kittens with sacks full of puppy heads for hours on end.
March 2nd, 2008 at 8:32 pm
@Gladstone: Sorry for the confusion. Allow me to clarify. If there is a wetspot in your bed, Hannah Montana will make Daniel sleep on it. So feel free to drink liquids after 7pm.
Normally, you wouldn’t be exempted but she got wise to Daniel’s mission and really has it in for him now. If I’m not mistaken she’s already infiltrated this website with spambots and at least one brainwashed adolescent drone. You might want to warn Daniel to check his rearview mirror before he starts the car. I know I will be.
March 2nd, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Also…
Hannah Montana killed Kenny !
March 2nd, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Hannah Montana thanks god for dead soldiers
March 2nd, 2008 at 9:37 pm
Hannah Montana invented the IRS
Hannah Montana made her first name a palindrome so its easier for Satan to worship her when he plays her records backwards.
Hannah Montana anally raped a buzzard to create the first lawyer.
March 2nd, 2008 at 10:52 pm
Hannah Montana held George Lucas prisoner Misery-style until he wrote a Star Wars trilogy she found “acceptable”.
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:05 am
Hannah Montana started the Japanese American internment during WWII
Hannah Montana was the turd that killed Elvis
Hannah Montana told Gorge Bush there were WMDs in Iraq
Hannah Montana is Yoko Ono
Hannah Montana told Jennifer Connelly NOT to do the ass to ass scene in Requiem for a Dream
Hannah Montana told Scarlett Johansson NEVER to show her tits
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:39 am
hannah montana stole my virginity… twice.
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:22 am
Chuck Norris beat up Hanna Montana!
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:24 am
Hanna Montana drove Kurt Cobain to kill himself!
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:25 am
Hanna Montana is trying to clone Hitler in a secret jungle lab in Brazil!
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:01 am
‘Say Daddy…Can I fry the Jew?’
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:10 am
“Only after you make another million dollars for Daddy…”
Another Billy Ray Cyrus quote: “I made a song too you guys!”
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:51 am
“God is dead” - Neitzche
“Neitzche is dead” - God
“I ate God” - Hannah Montana
March 3rd, 2008 at 5:07 am
haha, funny vid!
March 3rd, 2008 at 6:15 am
Hannah Montana is courtney love!
March 3rd, 2008 at 7:48 am
‘# Siwel Kire Says:
March 2nd, 2008 at 7:26 pm
I think it’s funny that that guy basically admitted to writing the Bratz movie.’
Now she’s making strangers think I write crappy teen girl movies.
Is there no end to her evil?
March 3rd, 2008 at 7:52 am
hannah montana throws some d’s on that bitch.
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:25 am
Hannah Montana said she would call me back. She never did. She never did.
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:31 am
Hannah Montana invented the concept of subprime exploitation, and has proceeded to force the poverty stricken to borrow money so that she can reposess their homes and create a, like, evil empire or something
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:10 am
They didn’t have a Hannah Montana shirt in my size at the mall in my town!!!
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:28 am
Hannah Montana started World War II for “shits and giggles”
Hannah Montana is the reason why all the rum is gone.
Hannah Montana is the reason Nestle uses child slaves in the Ivory Coast
Hannah Montana gave Lee Harvey Oswald the magic bullet
Hannah Montana funded “Manos: The Hands of Fate” and “Ishtar”
Hannah Montana killed Mufasa.
Hannah Montana uses the souls of British orphans to create cancer.
Hannah Montana knowns what you did last summer
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:56 am
I made it about 15 seconds into that. I can’t stand teenage girls. I don’t understand the fascination with them. The sadder but wiser girl for me.
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:18 am
Hannah Montana is Daniel O’Brien.
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:30 am
Now, Stiles, that’s an outright lie and everyone knows it. If I was Hannah Montana, I wouldn’t be able to publish all of these scathing blogposts, as I’d be too busy denying the Armenian Genocide and drinking the blood of Christian babies.
Thanks for playing though!
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:42 am
How does Billy Ray Cyrus explain all of this awful shit about his daughter to his achey breaky heart?
I just don’t think it understands.
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:43 am
Hannah Montana recruits slave labor for Oprah’s expensive hat factory?
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:14 pm
That’s the sole purpose of Hannah Montana’s TV show. Recruitment and slavery.
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Hannah Montana ate a taco and pooped out a dark lump of pure evil
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Hannah Montana can turn children’s blood into peanut butter…which kills them
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Hannah Montana, while consisting of mostly human parts, prefers to mate with duck-billed platypuses…mostly because they are mammals but also lay eggs.
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Hannah Montana’s first film role was in the Patterson Film, a role in which she didn’t need any makeup
March 3rd, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Hannah Montana is the reason puppies don’t have souls.
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:04 pm
Hannah Montana is the reason Chuck Norris will never be president.
March 3rd, 2008 at 2:04 pm
It would appear that a Mr Apocowarg has already given voice to my sentiments in a far more eloquent fashion than I could ever have aspired to.
Jolly Good Show old chap… Mine’s a half of the Bitter.
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Hannah Montana invented explosive, uncontrollable diarrhea.
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:11 pm
I logged on to myspace and look what I found…
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:12 pm
http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a77/imnotreallybenji/mileyjonas-yahoo-LB.jpg
AHHHHH
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Hannah Montana killed Dimebag Darrel
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Hannah Montana filmed Two Girls One Cup and forced me to watch it..
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Hannah Montana wrote Spider-man 3
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:38 pm
hannah montana is no longer alive, but she is not dead, she feed upon the blood of newly-born and unicorns to stay in this world, when one of her members fall of roteness, she/it go to the nearest graveyard and stole one that fit form a corpse, then she eats the rest.
she/it is not dead nor alive, she’s/it’s all of nothing, a pure evil into a bodyless form inside her. the thing from what nightmares are made from.
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Hannah Montana taught Sieg grammar
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:45 pm
she taught me how to speak inglish
March 3rd, 2008 at 3:49 pm
she is evil, she is next to me right now making me to touch her while she is eating a baby. for the love of chirst someone help me!!
March 3rd, 2008 at 5:14 pm
No, wait, wait a minute- Hannah Montana is Billy Ray Cyrus’ daughter? AAAHH!!!
March 3rd, 2008 at 5:48 pm
All right, I get that Miley Cyrus has big teeth, a weird smile, is a bad actor, and is irritating as all hell, but what’s with all the political accusations and shit? I don’t quite get it.
March 3rd, 2008 at 5:53 pm
It’s cool, MisterE, you’ve probably just been brainwashed by the giant, puppy-fueled village-destroying Disney Machine to be able to see clearly. I’ll photoshop some pictures of Hannah Montana with a little Hitler mustache for next week. Hopefully that’ll clear things up.
March 3rd, 2008 at 6:17 pm
Hannah Montana lives under my porch.
March 3rd, 2008 at 6:38 pm
why are the ny knicks so bad? hannah
who ratted me out to tony soprano? hannah
who cut me off in traffic? hannah
who took the bada-bling ad off tv? effin hannah!!!
March 3rd, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Hannah Montana drank my milkshake.
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:04 pm
Hannah Montana works part-time as a fluffer for Hannity & Colmes.
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:29 pm
Hannah Montana uses the bones of aborted children to heat her house.
March 3rd, 2008 at 9:59 pm
Hannah Montana caused inflation, thereby making hats expensive.
Hannah Montana killed the electric car.
Hannah Montana gave you man boobs.
Hannah Montana causes red-eye in photos.
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:00 pm
Hannah Montana fathered Yoko Ono
March 3rd, 2008 at 10:01 pm
Hannah Montana broke my achey breaky heart
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:01 pm
Miley Cyrus legally changed her name to Miley Ray Cyrus . . . . No really that happened
March 3rd, 2008 at 11:49 pm
Hannah Montana is the reason the Dakota’s are devided.
Hannah Montana has a double mouth like in Alien.
Hannah Montana is a pagan goddess reincarnated into an obnoxious bitch.
March 4th, 2008 at 12:24 am
Hannah Montana is responsible for Paris Hilton
March 4th, 2008 at 1:17 am
Hannah Montana framed Chris Benoit
March 4th, 2008 at 1:22 am
hannah montana wrote star wars episodes 1-3.
March 4th, 2008 at 1:35 am
Hannah Montana has a weekly conference call with the only other creature as rich and evil as she… Lord Xenu!
Hannah Montana drank straight out of the milk carton, then put it back with just a few drops left in it… she also used your toothbrush to scrub the toilet bowl.
March 4th, 2008 at 1:40 am
HP Lovecraft had dreams of Hannah Montana which inspired his writings.
March 4th, 2008 at 4:08 am
Hannah Montana cancelled Arrested Development
March 4th, 2008 at 4:15 am
Hannah Montana told Hitler to kill the jews.
March 4th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Hannah Montana put a curse on your dream catcher.
Hannah Montana is responsible for the second coming of Jesus not happening.
Hannah Montana pissed all over your toilet seat.
Hannah Montana is why milk is now kept in cartons more than bottles.
Hannah Montana spits poison on newborns, then bathes in their blood in order to prolong her aging.
Hannah Montana IS Donald Trump.
March 4th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Hannah Montana takes your freshly ironed shirts, creases them and tips coffee on them. Then she doesn’t tell you about it when you put them on in a hurry, right before your job interview. She also dipped your best shoes in rice pudding.
Hannah Montana framed Rodger Rabbit.
March 4th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
I wonder what Pruane2Forever would say about the Miley and Mandy show.
March 4th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
hannah montana drives 40 on the freeway
hannah montana crippled christopher reeves
hannah montana produced Meet the Spartans (and epic movie)
hannah montana gives black coffee a shot of caramel and it tastes terrible
hannah montana invented starbucks
hannah montana raided the lost arc
hannah montana is the reason harrison ford is getting older
hannah montana is trying to keep God of War 3 from being made
hannah montana keeps pushing back duke nukem forever
hannah montana took away clive winston
hannah montana voted bush. both times.
hannah montana gave you your kidney stone
hannah montana gave Mila Jovovich a career
hannah montana greenlights Uwe Bol’s movies
hannah montana put the fifth button on guitar hero’s controller
hannah montana keeps the black man down
and
hannah montana is the reason we’ll never have contact with intelligent alien lifeforms.
March 4th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
Hannah Montana’s milkshake brought all the boys to the yard. And raped them.
Hannah Montana told Ralph Nader to run for president.
Hannah Montana told Rambo to keep fighting.
Hannah Montana gave Roger Clemens HGH.
Hannah Montana caused the Great Depression.
Hannah Montana fathered Jamie Lynn Spears’ baby.
Hannah Montana gave you a black hairy tongue.
March 4th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
everytime you listen to hannah montana god kills a kitten
and ive heard rumors that hannah montana is like beetlejuice, say her name 3 times and she appears and cuts your fucking head off.
hannah montana must di– AAAHHHHH GET HER OFF!!!!!!
March 4th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
remind me again why you dont like the girl who plays hanna montana?????…im confused
March 4th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
Hannah Montana erased aj’s memories.
March 5th, 2008 at 5:48 am
Hannah montana taught arnold schwarzenegger english.
March 5th, 2008 at 8:10 am
Hannah Montana scared Saddam into cooping up in a sewer
Hannah Montana stole your teeth from the tooth fairy
Hannah Montana tripped Santa’s brakes.. he now rides a sleigh
Hannah Montana caused ammo to be banned in Switzerland
Hannah Montana is responsible for the weird weather
Hannah Montana is why your parents dont have time for you
Hannah Montana kills babies in incubators.. before she takes on the healthy ones
Hannah Montana causes IQs to drop to single digits
Hannah Montana caused your date to cancel on you
March 5th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Hannah Montana made that irritating “Helloooo!” smiley banner ad.
March 5th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Hannah Montana gives Chuck Norris nightmares.
March 5th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
And herpes.
March 5th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
And made Mr T cry.
March 5th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
I am Hannah Montana.
March 5th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
After Scientology, Anon will need a new mission…
… just putting it out there.
March 5th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
Hannah Montana raped and killed Jon Benet
March 6th, 2008 at 1:04 am
Hannah Montana is your father, Luke. Look in your heart; you know it to be true.
March 6th, 2008 at 9:57 am
Over 200 comments! Hot damn!
March 6th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Hannah Montana started the Tuskege Experiment.
Hannah Montana made Ratzinger Pope.
Hannah Montana framed Roger Rabbit.
Hannah Montana made me see Gigli and Glitter. Twice.
Hannah Montana sabotaged Jurassic Park.
Hannah Montana is why we can’t have nice things.
Hannah Montana is responsible for Souljah Boy.
Hannah Montana changed CourtTV to truTV.
When J.K. Rowling first wrote the Goblet of Fire, the killing curse was supposed to be an unholy snakelike hissing of “HAANNNAAAH MONTAAANAAA!” She changed it because ot gave her kids nightmares.
Hannah Montana killed Robert Goulet. Ba-ba-ba-BITCH!!!
March 6th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
The bitch also invented AMVs.
March 6th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
I think Hannah is a very talented young woman who is a strong role-model for young girls. She also, certainly, works harder than you did when you were 15.
March 6th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Hannah Montana shot up John Belushi.
Hannah Montana gives Ed Gein the creeps!
Hannah Montana has a coat made of dalmation puppies.
Hannah Montana destroyed Flint, Michigan.
Hannah Montana got Bela Lugosi hooked on morphen.
March 6th, 2008 at 9:28 pm
Hannah Montana will have Karl Roves baby and it will call forth it’s unholy minions from the deepest resesses of the hoary neitherworld to implant us all with Verichips!
Hannah Montana causes greasy stool….and the inability to control it.
Hannah Montana canseled MST3K!
March 7th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Hannah Montana masturbates to newborns getting boiled alive and then has an acidic discharge.
Hannah Montana forces women to menstruate so she can take shots with the blood.
March 7th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Hannah Montana is the reason you will never have a child
Hannah Montana created the blue screen of death
Hannah Montana once raped an xbox, we know this STD as the Red Ring of Death
Hannah Montana canceled Rockos Modern Life
As long as Hannah Montana draws breath in this world, there will never be peace in Africa
March 8th, 2008 at 2:06 am
Hannah Montana is hiding the nazi gold behind her front teeth.
If you say hannah montana 3 times, she’ll come out of the TV and eat your head.
Everytime you say Hannah Montana, a kitten kills himself.
March 9th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Hannah Montana created scientology…and Tom Cruise
March 9th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
I love Miley wish she came to Bartlett and i wish people would stop saying mean things about her.She’s a great roll modle for all ages.HANNAH U ROCK I LOVE U!
March 9th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Hmm.. I like how none of the people that like Hannah Montana can spell… So I’m assuming they are 12 yrs old at the most..
Oh, and Hannah Montana IS Tom Cruise… and just ate Suri… Katie’s been dead for days..
March 10th, 2008 at 9:11 am
hannah montana is the turd in 2 girls 1 cup
she orchestrated the jonestown massacre
She pissed in the poisoned koolaid
she masturbates to the passion of the christ
she plays as pizza the hutt on spaceballs (in her true form with no makeup)
she convinces children to kill themselves out of fear of becoming like her (and those are the smart ones)
she stole my virginity and gave it to that bitch on meangirls so she could claim to be half virgin.
the bitch drinks the nine beers it takes to make your wife look hot and leaves the last one for you, only after she’s pissed in it.
She fathered hitler, and directed him to torture the jews. She only killed him after he wasn’t cruel enough to them.
Then she erased her name from all history books.
She dies every night and comes back to life in the morning.
She scratched all my cds.
She will father the antichrist and then kill it when she finds out that it doesn’t do the wierd shit that she would have it do.
she is the reason black people like fried chicken. she puts nicotine in it!
She makes me type like a 12 year old girl when I’m writing my term paper.
She convinced George Bush to father a child with a monkey, and created AIDS and George W. Bush.
March 10th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Hannah Montana has never even been to Montana
March 11th, 2008 at 2:12 am
hannah montana is Niarlathotep in disguise, shes waiting to open the door to her pals: Cthulhu and Azagthot to destroy the world and make a hell of a party
March 11th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
Hannah Montana is responsible for hard plastic packaging.
Hannah Montana turns on the fan when you’re blowing lines.
Hannah Montana is ebola.
March 11th, 2008 at 8:18 pm
now i may be 14, but i hate the stupid skank. how do you think my youtube comment is:
ha ha silly bitch. You think you have talent! Your songs make me want to kill myself. And your totally lack of talent upsets me because your father has some. I just wanted to put that out there soon to be Britney!
lol “kisses”,
Jenny
P.S. your probably the reason that the Jonas Brothers have promise rings! lol
hah. it was bracing for i could finally rant about how much i hate her!
March 11th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
I think the ultimate way to destroy her is to organize a gang rape, its a win-win situation, but I think it has to be on Walpurgis Nacht if we want to destroy her for good.
h’nglui mglw’nafh Hannah Montana R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.
March 11th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
misspelt the first word of the second part it should be Ph’nglui
March 11th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
Hannah Montana executed the Rosenbergs. Both of them.
Hannah Montana didn’t put a new toilet paper roll on when she finished the last one.
Hannah Montana fucking double-dipped in the bowl of guacamole.
March 12th, 2008 at 2:56 am
Hannah Montana took the Indian’s land and turned it into a range for mudering baby seals. When she got bored with that she invented puberty.
March 12th, 2008 at 2:58 am
Hannah Montana is an interdimensional gypsy. Reach into to your back pocket.
Nothing there?
That’s right. The gypsy bitch got your wallet.
March 13th, 2008 at 8:59 am
[…] the worst things in Internet history. This is the same Internet that brought us 2girls1cup, goatse, that bitch who plays Hannah Montana’s webshow, and stale jokes that never made sense to begin with: You don’t just throw around “one of the […]
March 14th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
[…] means good news for you. Seriously. You want someone funny? Check out some of last week’s Mabisms and see for yourself what some of the funniest minds on the internet can come up with: […]
March 19th, 2008 at 5:08 pm
hannah montana tried to get south park pulled off the air.
AHH.
she also raped your mom. on your kitchen table. while you were sleeping.
AND YOUR MOM LOVED IT
March 20th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Hannah Montana’s real name is unpronounceable using human vocal chords and is only audible to dogs, owls, bats and Tom Cruise.
March 20th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Hannah Montana did something incredibly evil-sounding but still implausible enough to be humorous.
Hannah Montana once made a non-sarcastic comment about Carrot Top.
Hannah Montana tricked Fred out of his Fruity Pebbles™.
Hannah Montana hates me because I’m beautiful.
Hannah Montana is actually Montana Max after a sex change.
Hannah Montana sued Arby’s for their “Big Montana” sandwich, because it had more substance than her.
March 21st, 2008 at 2:47 am
This made me remember how much I hate the bitch. I clawed out my eyes and stabbed myself in the ears during the video to maintain some sanity.
March 23rd, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Hannah montana wrote, directed and stared in tThe Hannah Montana Movie,
thus being responsible for world war 3 erupting shortly after, which in turn lead to the decline of the human race into a mad max style society in which post-apocalyptic-cyber-punks kill, rape and sell their bodies to feed their addiction to the synthetic happiness she pumps through their worthless veins from her spire-like empire of terror.
and she’s a dicknick. (a picnic full of cock.)
March 24th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Hannah Montana is trying to turn little boys into her clones…presumably to do her evil bidding.
I found this costume of her while I was at EPCOT:
http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y3/chemical_echo/disney%2008/100_0234.jpg
Needless to say, she wants little boys to dress up as her.
March 25th, 2008 at 2:03 am
Hannah Montana is Ron Paul
March 27th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Hannah Montana needs to fight Chuck Norris to the death. That’ll keep them both occupied while I plot to take over the world with Britney Spears.
The complete surgical removal of my eyes, ears, hands and skin will occur in 3…2…1…
March 30th, 2008 at 2:51 am
Hannah Montana blew up the levee in New Orleans just prior to Hurricane Katrina.
April 3rd, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Hannah Montana invented boybands.
April 5th, 2008 at 11:31 am
Hannah Montana created Global Warming.
April 5th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
the day i knew i had outgrown my family was the day my mother looked at me and said, “i have tickets to the hannah montana concert”….i stared blankly at her, asked if she was serious..and when she presented them to prove that she was infact attending said concert i died a little inside.
April 5th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
I can’t stop now, because Hannah Montana has pulled me too far.
April 5th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
Hannah Montana is the reason why they have that tacky wallpaper in the background.
April 5th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
No jealousy here huh? Yal right!!! Good greif how can you hate someone that you do not even know? That is just silly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And ridiculous!
April 13th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
I am silly!!!!!!!!!!!! And ridiculous! That is why I cannot get enough every time Hannah Montana injects hydrochloric acid into my vagina and then spits on my writhing body!
April 14th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
Hannah Montana invented AIDS.
April 18th, 2008 at 12:31 am
Hanna Montana sneaks into sock drawers each night and pokes holes into condoms, she also arms fetuses with wire cutters prior to the mothers entering the abortion clinic.
April 18th, 2008 at 12:34 am
Hanna Montana is the only one to take Michael Eisner by the balls…
Hanna Montana cryogenically froze Walt Disney
Hanna Montana cut off her dad’s achey breaky hair with her teeth
April 18th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
hannah montana was behind 7/7
hannah montana was behind 9/11
hannah montana made tax
hannah montana’s mom is tht weird harsh teacher in pre school who bullied you
hannah montana shot u in balls with a bb gun wen u werent looking
hannah montana tells heather mccartney to keep ranting
hannah montana told britney spears its kl to shave ur head im gonna do it, and chickened out afterwards
hannah montana promised vanessa hudgens she wudnt sell the nude photos to the press
hannah montana fixes x factor every year
hannah montana was the one who bullied paul potts
hannah montana made lagg just to piss of her ex boyfriends
hannah montana decided the ending of the matrix revelations
hannah montana has african slaves for butlers
hannah montana invented the holocaust
you kno wen u walk in dog shit and think y cant people just clean up after their dogs, im sorry to inform u, but it wasnt a dog, it was hannah montana.
hannah montana makes young girls like victoria justice pretty just to make older men wait
hannah montana breaths on ur food in a restuarant to make it cold
hannah montana invented service tax
hannah montana invented interest, the bad type
hannah montana leaves the seat up and frames you for it
hannah montana introduced the man ur ex girlfriend cheated on u with
hannah montana is a bitch
hannah montana invented insurance
hannah montana makes ur farts smell
HANNAH MONTANA IS HIDING THE CURE FOR CANCER
i dislike hannah montana
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:18 am
PEDOPHILER IS NOT A CRIME. ITS JUST GOOD WHOLESUM FUN. ANYONE THAT SAYS OTHERWISE SHOULD TRY STICKING THERE COCK IN A 10YEAR OLD GIRLS ARSE.THEN TELL ME IT ANT FUN.
April 22nd, 2008 at 10:20 am
hanna montana fucks niggers. and thats as evil and sick as you can get.
April 23rd, 2008 at 3:23 am
hey rob leave it out,niggers are people to. to be fair they ant very good people and they are all crooks thiefs murderers and rapests but they are people.
April 29th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
You guys are fucking fatasses this guys wesite is fake yu actually beleive this fuckin bastard
April 29th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
fuckin emo
April 30th, 2008 at 9:03 am
hannah forces underage leper prostitutes to snort ground up frozen cheese until their eyes bulge.
then she anally fists them until they hemmorage and die
then she masturbates to the tape
April 30th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
www casino cafeteria…
One of video poker online advance cash loan payday quick…
April 30th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Hannah Montana stole food from Karen Carpenter.
Hannah Montana murdered Heath Ledger and paid off the feds to keep the cause of death a ‘mystery’.
Hannah Montana is doing drug dealers nationwide a favor by initiating a higher demand for narcotics in kids today.
Hannah Montana pulled Janet Jackson’s top down at the Superbowl.
Hannah Montana made Eve eat the apple that caused original sin.
On September 11th, 2001, Hannah Montana provided jets for terrorists.
Hannah Montana knowingly but secretly started a massive cult consisting of millions of some of the most privledged children on earth in order to successfully target control over the next generation, thus ending in world domination.
April 30th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
one more thing…
Hannah Montana makes me ashamed to be a fifteen year old girl because it means I am of the same gender, species, and age as she is.
May 1st, 2008 at 4:58 am
Hannah Montana rapes kittens.
And eats them.
May 4th, 2008 at 2:09 am
Hannah Montana made George Lucas write the second Star Wars trilogy.
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