What do a Fourth Grader, a Chimp, and a White Supremacist Have in Common?
by Michael Swaim
Hollywood is breathing a collective sigh of relief this week as it appears the long, bitter WGA strike may be coming to an end. On Saturday, officials outlined the proposed agreement to a packed house of guild members and notable celebrities showing support for the writers’ cause.
And while the address (below) was meant to celebrate a triumph, it also provided a prime example of how tremendously the written word in Hollywood has suffered without its usual writers.
Welcome back, writers! Here’s to getting screwed slightly less!
When not blogging for Cracked, Michael makes public address videos as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren’t Muskets!
February 13th, 2008 at 8:19 am
Nicely done once again, Swaim.
February 13th, 2008 at 9:51 am
Well played sir.
February 13th, 2008 at 10:53 am
“This is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” has the potential to supplant “That’s an expensive hat.”
February 13th, 2008 at 11:17 am
That’s the worst British accent I’ve ever heard!
oh…
coconut juices!
February 13th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
That’s right, British accent=echo. That’s why it’s always so hard to tell what they’re talking about.
February 13th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
This guy AND his chimp should end up on tailsmack.com
February 13th, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Tailsmack.com best adult spanking site on the web.
February 13th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Someone told me they saw Igor Johnson on sugarmommymeet.com. Is that true?
February 13th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Does someone yell ‘Fuck you’ at the end of that video?
February 13th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Yes, I think it’s the entire African American community.
February 14th, 2008 at 2:17 am
As I’m sure you can all tell from this blog, I am a racist. Did I really need to include a while supremacist in my cast of zany characters? No, of course not. I could have made it something equally hilarious while not be offensive. I’m not ashamed any more. Expect much more in future blogs.
February 14th, 2008 at 4:30 am
Liar! Impostor! Nothing’s funny without white supremacy! It’s rule 1 of Kurtz’s Komedy Kollege!
February 14th, 2008 at 8:00 am
Mike, you are busted, you know you grew up with Martin Luther King, Jr. posters in your room.
February 14th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Michael Swaim….your reign of tyranny and racism comes to an end soon!! We, the members of BlackCracked.com (surprisingly, its not an African-American anal sex website) will be forced to boycott your posts in the future!! We will not sit still as you bombard us with pro-white propoganda!!
February 14th, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Oh there is all kind of funny shit about white supremacy, like Woody Allen’s stand up bit about going to a costume party in the Deep South as a ghost and getting picked up by a bunch of Klansmen. ( He sold them all Israel bonds ). Or as some comedian said one time “Why is it that people who proclaim to represent and defend the white race are the stupidest and ugliest examples of it”.
February 14th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
Oh, blackcracked is NOT an African-American anal sex site?
Never mind, then.
February 14th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Hitler is coming back and this time no Mr. Nice guy!!!!!!!!!
February 14th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
What do a Fourth Grader, a Chimp, and a White Supremacist Have in Common?
Michael Swaim?
EDITED by Michael to spell my goddamn name correctly.
February 14th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Wow. I really set myself up for that one. Well executed, sir.
February 15th, 2008 at 12:25 am
Well fuck, I thought I spelled it right, sorry.
February 15th, 2008 at 1:58 am
Wait, did I spell Michael or Swaim wrong?
February 15th, 2008 at 5:10 am
MiguelFartypants.
EDITED BY Gladstone to make it more hilarious.
February 15th, 2008 at 8:54 am
El Swaimo!
February 15th, 2008 at 9:20 am
Oh ,I must have forgot the g.
February 15th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
What’s a White “supremacist”? A phrase used by an anti-White racist media? Oh yes.
February 15th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
Of course, a video page with a biased, baiting title like that not only shows the author’s prejudice but draws out all the anti-White racists - oops, sorry - “anti-racists”.
February 15th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
“What’s a White “supremacist””
A lot of them are Ron Paul supporters and all of them are fucking ignorant assclowns.
February 16th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
I am loving the neon background.
February 17th, 2008 at 11:11 am
“Fartypants.” Hahahahahahaha!
February 23rd, 2008 at 2:48 am
great
March 6th, 2008 at 12:08 am
I laughed at somewhere in the middle.
Good job!
March 13th, 2008 at 7:29 am
[…] anymore because you already read the most important article ever conceived. That’s how fucking Ninja Turtles this article is.” I paused to let my words sink in, and because I accidentally spit all over […]