Will.i.am, best known for contributing to rap in the same way that crabs make my pubic hair a better terrarium, loves breaasssts. He has an enthusiasm for them that is childlike, and by that I mean, if you had asked me to rap about breaasssts in elementary school, my note to the police would be the same as will.i.am's complaint about my plagiarism. He talks about them as if he's describing a fake girlfriend from another state. It's the kind of deliberate un-sexiness that you'd expect to find from pulling your dick out and inserting it into objects in the crackers/chips aisle, not from the lyrics of a professional rapper.
Drink 'til I see double
She put her boobies in my face
Now I'm really seeing double
Not only did he create everyone's first pun about breasts, he went one further than "boobs" and used "boobies." "Boobs" is awful enough, but "boobies" adds a layer of clown makeup and a child's pinwheel toy. People preach about rap music destroying moral values, but I think we should really be focusing on will.i.am making it OK for millions of teens to use the word "boobies." The next generation is doomed. Oh, look! A "Can You Identify These '90s Nickelodeon Cartoons?" quiz! JACKPOT.
Don't wanna squeeze trigger
Just wanna squeeze tits