13 Dark Humor Jokes About the Police
Whether you respect them or not, the police need to be taken down a peg. So do The Police, but that’s a different topic. And no one knows how to take down “the man” better than comedians, especially when “the man” means “cops.” I mean, they’re the authority that’s supposed to “protect and serve,” but handing out traffic tickets and random harassment seems to do neither of those things.
In any case, we rounded up and booked some of the funniest jokes and moments in pop culture about the cops…
Mama Named Me Sheriff and I Got Rabies
Madness reigns when the Sheriff gets bitten by a raccoon. This is why you don’t feed wild animals potato chips.
‘Key & Peele’s Standoff
Sureni Weerasekera Slept with a Cop
“Isn’t that the best cop to fuck: a Black, gay woman? Isn’t that the least problematic cop to fuck? That’s like fucking a Native American real estate agent. All I’m saying is a cop in the sheets is one less cop in the streets.”
‘Reno 911’ Reenacts a Crime Scene
Things can go down poorly over cocaine, but why would you kill someone while your Arby’s was still hot?
‘The Fantastic Shield’
Since Michael Chiklis played dirty cop Vic Mackey on The Shield and Ben Grimm in The Fantastic Four, Robot Chicken decided to do a crossover. It got bloody real quick.
‘Saturday Night Live’s Scared Straight
You’ll never watch Aladdin the same way again.
Roy Wood Jr.’s Solution
“I don’t know what they’re going to do between us and the police. Every day, the police might get called on you while you’re trying to get coffee. The police might get called on you while you’re trying to barbecue. Police might get called on you while you’re trying to mow the yard, take a nap, sell some water. At this point, if you’re Black, the safest thing you can do every day is call the police on yourself. The white people are going to call anyway, so you may as well take the power back.”
Chris Rock on ‘Bad Apples’
“Whenever the cops gun down an innocent Black man, they always say the same thing: ‘Well, it’s not most cops, it’s just a few bad apples.’ Bad apple? That’s a lovely name for ‘murderer.’ How’d they get that one? ‘Bad apple.’ That almost sounds nice. I mean, I had a bad apple. It was tart, but it didn’t choke me out.”
‘Family Guy’ Gets Pulled Over
When Peter and the gang get pulled over by the highway patrol, they get drugs planted on them. It gets silly, but there are actual stakes here.
Kyle Kinane on Why Cops Become Cops
“You know there’s a bunch of them out there, like ‘Why did you become a cop?’ ‘Oh, I was bullied as a child, so I just repressed that anger, and now I can take it out on society with the protection of a badge.’ Yeah, you fuckers are ruining it for everybody. But then there’s that very, very small fraction of them that are like, ‘Why’d you become a cop?’ ‘Oh, it pays 10 more dollars per hour than the post office, and I get a gun.’ I get you.”
George Carlin on Sensitivity Training
“I’m gettin’ a little tired of hearing that after six policemen get arrested for shoving a floor lamp up some Black guy’s ass and ripping his intestines out, the police department announces they’re gonna have ‘sensitivity training.’ I say, ‘Hey, if you need special training to be told not to jam a large, cumbersome object up someone else’s asshole, maybe you’re too fucked up to be on the police force in the first place.’”
It’s odd how Springfield’s top cop’s path to power isn’t too far off from how many police officers get promoted in real life.
Dave Chappelle on Police Brutality
“That brutality thing? That’s common knowledge, man. There was a time when only minorities only knew about that. I’m not saying white people didn’t believe us, but you were a little skeptical. I don’t blame you, but then Newsweek printed it, and you knew it was true. Reading Newsweek, white people were like, ‘Oh my God. Honey, did you see this? Apparently, the police have been beating up Negroes like hotcakes!’”