15 Hall of Fame Jokes About Driving
If you’re the average adult American, you’ve gotten behind the wheel of a moving vehicle at least once in your life. For some, driving can be a simple pleasure; for others, a mundane need to get from place to place. But for most, it’s an aggravating confinement to an asphalt prison — AND WHY WON’T THIS GUY JUST TURN? YOU HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY! MOVE!
Whatever your perspective, a comedian has had it, too, and shared in your misery. Road rage, driving school, licenses and everything surrounding a basic commute is rife with comedic material. Which is why we’ve gathered some of the best jokes about driving for our Comedy Hall of Fame...
Katrina Davis Wants You to Get Over Her Bad Driving
“I’m bad at driving. Here’s the reason why I’m done feeling bad about it: I need to drive to get around. Like, I’m not auditioning for Formula One; get off my dick. I wish I had a bumper sticker for the back of my car that said, ‘I KNOW’ in all caps.”
Harland Williams on Prius Drivers
“Have you seen the Prius drivers with their attitude? They’re like, ‘Ooh, I drive a Prius! Ooh, I get to drive in the carpool lane! Ooh, I get home 25 minutes early’ — to nobody!”
Chris Rock as Cheap Pete
Ahmed Bharoocha on His Dad Accidentally Stealing a Car
Bharoocha’s father will go to crazy lengths to help his daughter get a ride back from work, including accidentally towing a stranger’s car.
The ‘Detroiters’ Test Out a Used Car
Getting a new-to-you vehicle can be a gamble, so it requires thorough testing. Unless the vehicle is cool enough.
Paul F. Tompkins on Learning to Drive As An Adult
Tompkins didn’t learn to drive until his 40s, titling his special Crying and Driving after that experience, which included having a driving instructor that was so paternal to PFT that he wanted to just play catch with him.
Ardal O’Hanlon on Hating Ambulances
“The thing I dislike most about the ambulance is the way they have the word ‘AMBULANCE’ spelled backwards emblazoned across the front of the vehicle. The thinking being you’re driving along in traffic, and you look in your rearview mirror, and you say, ‘Oh, there’s an ambulance behind me, so I better pull over.’ That’s assuming that you haven’t heard the incredibly loud siren in the first place. They think we’re idiots, don’t they? So whenever I see an ambulance coming toward me, down the wrong side of the street as they often do, I think to myself, ‘Hmm, well, I hear the siren alright, but how can I be sure?’”
Rodney Dangerfield on His Wife’s Ability to Make a U-Turn
“This afternoon, my wife cracked up the car again. I was out driving with her, and she told me she was going to make a U-turn. I tell you the letter she made you’ll never find in the alphabet.”
‘The Simpsons’ Canyonero
The best American car ad parody ever.
‘The Blues Brothers’ Mall Car Chase
It’s comedy law that whenever you make a list of jokes or comedic scenes involving cars and/or driving that this Blues Brothers scene be included somewhere in the top 10. Consider it one of the few legal obligations on Earth that go on without protest.
Ben Stiller and Larry David on Back-Seat Riding
On Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry needs a ride from Ben Stiller to get to a rehearsal. So naturally, a great debate is unleashed regarding whether a passenger can just stay in the back seat or is required to ride shotgun once it opens. Let the argument commence.
Trevor Noah on Traffic Lights
“I enjoy your traffic lights. Just standing there, watching people obey them. I’ve never seen anything like it in my life. We do have traffic lights in Africa, but we don’t use them the same way. It’s like we saw them here and brought them over just to fit in.
“‘What is this?’
“‘These are the brand new traffic lights!’
“‘What are they for?’
“‘Ah, they just add atmosphere to the intersection. Look at the colors! Look at the colors!’”
Hannibal Buress on How a Car Accident Ruined His Birthday
“I was in the car with three strange women. I thought I had a good shot with the woman in the back seat with me, but once the car accident happened, it kinda threw everything off. It’s hard to jump back in the game after you’ve been in the ER for 10 hours. You can’t just pop off the stitches and be like, ‘So where were we?’”