Ambulances Tend to Explode
You know you've had a bad day when you can't describe it without using the term "ambulance explosion." But ambulances do explode. A lot. The oxygen tanks carried by the majority of EMS units detonate every now and then, as compressed gas is wont to do, and sometimes ambulances themselves just burst into flames for no apparent reason. One ambulance caught fire while just sitting in the bay after only one year of service, and another ignited while transporting a patient to the hospital.
Tragically, their brand of burn salve turned out to be highly explosive.
The thing is, you kind of assume ambulances are the safest mode of transportation around. After all, they're designed specifically to transport fragile sick people. And look at them -- they're like big medical tanks. Surely they have been expertly constructed to be death proof, like in the Kurt Russell medical docudrama of the same name.
Nope. Ambulances are fragile and extremely crash-prone for a variety of reasons, and they're dangerous as hell for the people inside. For starters, even with seat belts for the emergency medical technicians (EMTs) and restraints for the patients (which often aren't used), the patient compartment is very unsafe for all passengers. Everyone is riding in a box full of cabinets and loose equipment ready to crash into your skull should something go wrong.
"Sir, you're going to have to stop screaming, the ambulance is here to help you."
And things frequently go wrong. Ambulances are wired with dashboard computers, high-tech radios, navigation systems and phones -- all of which must be used by the EMTs while weaving in and out of traffic at top speed and blasting through stoplights like they're being chased by the Batmobile.
All of this adds up to a potentially chaotic driving experience, particularly when you consider that many drivers make no attempt to clear a path for rampaging emergency vehicles, because The Adventures of Tin-Tin starts in 15 minutes and goddamn if they're going to miss all the previews.
"If he doesn't move in three seconds, he becomes a passenger."