The Unintentional Comedy of Ben Affleck
Ben Affleck has a new non-sneaker-based movie out, the Robert Rodriguez-directed thriller Hypnotic, which apparently finds him battling a bank-robbing hypnotist and dramatically striking the Nickelback “Photograph” position.
Click right here to get the best of Cracked sent to your inbox.
It’s not just the inadvertent Chad Kroeger impression either; Affleck is a constant stream of unintentional comedy. In addition to his crippling Dunkin’ dependence and giant back tattoo/deafening cry for help, Affleck’s movies, even the supposedly serious ones, have a tendency to give us the giggles, such as…
‘Daredevil’: Playground Karate Suduction
A romantic interlude so embarrassing that it made us wish we were the ones who accidentally blinded ourselves.
‘A Body to Die For’: Like ‘Reefer Madness’ But with Steroids
Affleck plays a football player who tries steroids, becomes addicted, then loses his hair and quickly turns into a raging, violent psychopath in this 1994 after-school special. Makes Gigli look subtle by comparison.
‘Pearl Harbor’: Affleck’s Broken Nose
In a solemn tribute to the fallen soldiers of World War II, Affleck smacks his broken nose opening a bottle of champagne to impress Kate Beckinsale:
This random bit of tone-deaf slapstick is followed by a perfect piece of cringe comedy:
Everything About His ‘Glory Daze’ Facial Hair
From Chasing Amy to The Last Duel, Affleck has a long history of terrible movie facial hair. With that in mind, we’d like you to take a big gulp of coffee and look upon his appearance in 1995’s Glory Daze.
It looks like Robin Hood was a divorced dad. A perfect vacation home for pubic lice looking for someplace up North.
‘The Accountant’: Affleck Chases Down a Truck Like He’s a Terminator
“Ben Affleck plays a badass accountant” sounds like a rejected MADtv sketch from 2005, but it was somehow a real movie. The Accountant features no shortage of hilarious scenes, such as the one in which he chases down a pickup truck on foot and proceeds to whip a hulking biker dude with his belt.
‘Armageddon’: The Erotic Animal Cracker Scene
Who wouldn’t want to see a sexy scene involving Affleck, Liv Tyler and a beloved children’s school snack?
The worst thing to happen to cookies that didn't involve spam and Oreo burgers.
‘Deep Water’: The Dumbest Chase Scene in Movie History
The alleged thriller Deep Water is full of unintentional laughs (many of which involve Affleck’s fascination with snails and predilection for serving his small daughter wine), but the big finale, in which Affleck races a station wagon on his bike, and wins the day by simply falling on his goddamn face, is easily the funniest movie scene of the last decade.
You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter (if it still exists by the time you’re reading this).