12 of the Best Jokes and Bits About Divorce

Sometimes marriage doesn’t last — in fact, half of them don’t. But with heartbreak comes reflection, and sometimes out of that painful reflection comes some painfully funny material. Which means comedy and divorce is a more perfect marriage than, well, actual marriage.

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Over the years, comedians’ stand-up bits and sketches around the topic have helped soothe the pain of heartbreak of many divorcées enough to either take the edge off and get back in the game or feel good about singlehood. Which is why we’ve gathered enough divorce jokes below to fill a therapist's office...

12 Alex Hooper on His Parents’ Split

“My parents are divorced. But my parents are also divorce lawyers. My parents are the most divorced people there have ever been. They didn’t only break up themselves; they broke up thousands of families all across the United States!”

11 The Birth of Alimony Tony on ‘Comedy Bang! Bang!’

As Scott Aukerman read a listener-submitted catchphrase on the podcast, the listener’s username tickled everyone so much that Paul F. Tompkins created a character on the spot. This character was Alimony Tony, a guy who keeps getting divorced and loves to make alimony payments.

10 Liz Stewart on Blaming Divorce on Haunted Houses

9 Eddie Murphy Feeling Bad for Johnny Carson

Murphy brings analysis (and a grape-flavored Fruit Roll-Up suit) to the divorce settlement made by Carson.

8 David A. Arnold on How Divorce Saved His Marriage

Arnold discusses how he and his wife bonded together for one common goal: to be able to afford to get a divorce.

7 Bill Burr on Kobe Bryant’s (Eventually Canceled) Divorce

“Look at Kobe: Guy’s getting a divorce. His wife’s gonna get $70 million. Never hit a layup in her life.”

6 Chris Rock on Alimony

Rock goes on a rant about what men and women are “accustomed to” during a marriage and what both sides should get during a divorce. Oh, and jokes about the O.J. Simpson murder trial because it was the 1990s.

5 Jen Kirkman on Being Optimistic

“I love being divorced. It’s been four years, but people still get upset; they still worry about me. It’s really just a legal term meaning no one’s farted in my bed in four years.”

4 Christopher Titus on Love and Divorce

“If you’re in here tonight and you’ve never contemplated suicide, then you’ve never truly been in love. If you’re here tonight and have never contemplated murder, then you’ve never been divorced.”