15 Jokes and Moments from Kristen Schaal for the Comedy Hall of Fame
Kristen Schaal is an animated person — both in cartoons and real life. Frequently cast for her distinct voice in animated shows, she’s a double-threat with live-action roles due to her uncanny ability to harness both her body language and facial expressions to act like a cartoon as well. Those traits carry over to her stand-up work, too, as she punctuates each line with a widening of her eyes, a small head tilt or a floppy action that involves her whole body.
To highlight the comic that can always make us laugh, whether as herself or as a maniacal bunny-eared 9-year-old, we’ve collected some of Schaal’s funniest jokes and moments for the Comedy Hall of Fame...
On Pleasing Men
“My mom told me that the secret to pleasing a man was through his stomach, but I found a convenient detour through his penis.”
Representing AIDS on ‘Conan’
As a guest on Conan, Schaal discussed her background in community theater as a teen and her theater director’s bizarre request to pretend that she was living with AIDS.
Her One-Woman Show About Anne Boleyn
Her Role as Mabel on ‘Gravity Falls’
It was made for a younger audience, but it’s clear why Gravity Falls appeals to kids at heart and stoners alike. One of the brightest spots is Schaal’s performance as Mabel, a young girl who is the embodiment of adorable chaotic good.
On Gun Control
“I have been nervous since I got here because I don’t have my gun. How do you survive without your gun, Canada? I mean, how do you open cans?”
When Her Mom Talked to Nick Nolte
Her Role as Hazel Wassername on ‘30 Rock’
When 30 Rock needed a lady version of Kenneth, Schaal was the ideal candidate, able to channel her own version of the socially awkward page to play alongside Kenneth rather than be a clone. No one else with an iguana attached to their face can deliver the line “He’s mating with my mouth!” the way she does.
Her Role as Sarah Lynn on ‘BoJack Horseman’
Former child star Sarah Lynn’s voice was perfectly cast. Schaal’s younger-sounding tone allowed her to hit each line with high-pitched power while also being able to aptly draw empathy during the heavier parts of the most depressing-yet-somehow-hilarious comedy of all time.
“I wanted to make sure my act was family-friendly tonight, but I don’t have babies. So, I thought I could pretend I have babies, and that way, I could appeal to the people who have babies and people who like to pretend they have babies. So let’s give it a go… So, I got this baby, ugh! And it’s begging for attention all the time— Can I get a witness?!?”
Her Role as Mel on ‘Flight of the Conchords’
Schaal’s ability to believably balance innocent menace as Bret and Jermaine’s superfan Mel brought on some of the most hilariously awkward scenes in the musical comedy series.
When She Killed a Genie to Steal His Sparkly Jacket
“I killed a genie to get this jacket. It’s only after I cut the jacket off the genie’s dead body that I realized I could’ve simply wished for it. Ugh, I should have wished for hindsight.”
Her Role as Carol in ‘Last Man On Earth’
In the post-apocalyptic comedy, Schaal often stole entire episodes portraying an eccentric, quirky woman who somehow survived the end of the world.
As The Guide on ‘What We Do in the Shadows’
Schaal shines as The Guide in the vampire mockumentary series, giving Nadja a great foil to play off of. In typical Schaal fashion, her Dracul-accent is perfect, and she does a remarkable job somehow unleashing more weird out of an already well-written weird character.
As Louise Belcher on ‘Bob’s Burgers’
“If she were a spice, she’d be flour.”
On Bad Luck
“I cannot have bad luck tonight. I already lost one rabbit’s foot, somebody stole my monkey paw, and now all I have left is a camel’s toe. I will not tell you where it is; I cannot afford to get it snatched.”