Exotic pets aren't just for Bond villains anymore. Critters that were once limited to the creepy kid or the bachelor with scars down his arm are gradually becoming standard household pets like cats and dogs. Perhaps soon there won't be any need for the term "exotic" whatsoever, as snakes and spiders roam around freely in our living rooms.
But before you go and buy your child an exotic pet, ask yourself: Are they (or more likely, you) actually committed to doing what's necessary for the animal? If your answer is yes, you might rethink that after we tell you ...
Turtles Will Make You Touch Their Horrific Dicks
There are all sorts of good things about owning a turtle. They can't run away from you, and they are practically immortal, to the point where they may even outlive you. Shit, there's even a turtle alive today that was found by a soldier during World War I. Let the pet be the one to mourn the owner and cry every time during Marley & Me, for a change. Yep, turtles can offer you companionship for decades and decades ... and the only thing they ask in return is that you look at (and sometimes clean) their awful, disgusting turtle dicks.
Ruberball / Mike Kemp / Getty
"Oh yeah, 'cause your crotch is a real treasure."
Like most males, turtles are proud of their penises. The difference is that there is no law against reptilian public indecency, so sometimes they get into the habit of waving their dick around, which is known as penis fanning. This has led to a series of hilariously horrified pet owners asking the Internet why there is a "poo," a "dark bladder," or a "black flower" coming out from behind the turtle. Black flower? How would a penis even look like-
OK, yeah, there it is.
The terrifying part (yes, that video wasn't the terrifying part) is that sometimes your Leonardo's little katana gets stuck flopping around outside his shell, a problem known as a "penile prolapse." The good news is that this condition can be treated in your own home. The bad news is that you'll never feel clean again after doing this.