The Guy Playing Marvel’s Hercules ‘Somehow’ Doesn’t Know He’s a Sex Symbol

Unlike most people with eyes, Brett Goldstein didn’t know that he’s a bona fide beefcake
The Guy Playing Marvel’s Hercules ‘Somehow’ Doesn’t Know He’s a Sex Symbol

“Roy Kent! Roy Kent! He’s here, he’s there, he models underwear!”

As Ted Lasso cheerfully approaches its series finale, we’d like to humbly submit the above adjustments to the AFC Richmond faithful’s iconic chant for Brett Goldstein’s beloved character, the grumpy-captain-turned-cantankerous-coach Roy Kent. While Lasso fans and individuals with eyeballs alike have known Goldstein to be a beefy, furry icon of masculine sexuality for years, Goldstein’s “sex symbol” status was unknown to the actor picked to play Hercules in the Marvel Cinematic Universe before his recent Variety profile.

When Goldstein’s interviewer asked the Shrinking showrunner and sensitive sex god of Apple TV+ and Disney+ how he felt about being a lustful icon, Goldstein replied, “I don’t know. You can say, ‘He blushes, looks confused, his head explodes.’” We’re going to save that mental image of Goldstein blushing for, uh, later.

“This is the first I’ve heard of it,” Goldstein claimed of what Variety’s Michael Schneider calls the “Sexy Brett Goldstein” phenomenon. In case it’s anyone’s first time on the internet, it bears explaining that this is a extremely, unquenchably thirsty place — a chiseled, grisled, vulnerable yet vicious soccer star parading around shirtless on one of the top TV shows in streaming will, inevitably, attract a healthy following of aroused admirers.

Goldstein told his interviewer of the sex symbol label, “I’m flattered you’re telling me this, and I will expect you to address me as such from now on,” presumably before Schneider melted into a flustered puddle on the floor. “Listen, if that’s a thing, that has nothing to do with me. That has to do with the show, right? Because of the character,” Goldstein modestly deflected. 

“Yeah, the grumpy guy,” Goldstein hypothesized. “Maybe it’s hairy men. I seem to be the only person in L.A. in the last 15 years who has body hair. Maybe that’s a thing. Like, ‘Whoa, what’s this? This is new!’”

Yeah, maybe a buff, gruff, surly yet sensitive, hilarious, confident, and caring sports star covered in a coat of glistening black fur like a sexy British bearskin rug could be a turn-on for some viewers. Who'da t(hunk) it.

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