All Five of Eric André’s OnlyFans Posts, Ranked
The description for bizarro comedian Eric André’s OnlyFans simply reads, “I’ll do anything for five bucks” — considering what he’s done for us for free, that “anything” seems disturbingly all-inclusive.
In their effort to diversify their content, the popular NSFW platform OnlyFans is attempting to attract comedic creators to be a part of their non-porn portfolio — big-name comedians such as Whitney Cummings have launched non-nude content campaigns on their pages, and OnlyFans’ streaming service OFTV recently released its newest U.K. series, Creative Fund: Comedy Edition, a Last Comic Standing-style amateur competition that will award one comedian a £100,000 prize for winning a gauntlet of humorous challenges.
We ranked all five of André’s OnlyFans posts based on originality, entertainment value and, of course, horniness — needless to say, this is not safe for work:
Steampunk Dr. Seuss Burlesque Screenshot from ‘The Eric Andre Show’
Sadly, the effort level of André’s OnlyFans page fell off in the last two posts, especially in his penultimate picture captioned “Felt cute. Might delete later.” The screenshot is from one of the many “man on the street”-style segments from his sketch series The Eric Andre Show, which is set to return for a sixth season in 2023. There’s not much to be said about this screenshot beyond André’s caption as it feels a little less private and exclusive when he just reposts his own content that’s already been on cable television.
‘Bad Trip’ Netflix Promo
Similar to the last-place post, André’s final update on his OnlyFans page is taken from his other content — on March 2, 2021, André concluded his OnlyFans experiment by posting the promo trailer for his Netflix film Bad Trip with the caption, “Guys i’m dropping my sexiest video yet. Hope you’re horny!”
We were horny, Eric — horny for original, exclusive posts. Too bad we couldn’t get much more intimate than a teaser trailer for a hidden camera comedy film.
Steamy Striptease Introduction
Per the OnlyFans terms of service, we cannot show you the top three posts from André’s OnlyFans on this page because they actually originated on OnlyFans, but hopefully that clip of André dressed up as Thomas Jefferson and getting a lap dance will set the mood for our bronze medalist.
His first post was a salacious striptease video in which André, adorned in a onesie and awash with mood lighting, introduces us to his suggestive side as he popped the buttons one by one, stopping just short of leaving nothing to the imagination. His raw, animalistic intensity coupled with the production value made this post a promising start for a disappointingly short-lived sexual experience.
The Thinker on the Shitter
André expressed his artistic side in his third post when he struck a pose that emulates Auguste Rodin’s iconic sculpture The Thinker in a nude-but-tastefully-covered depiction of himself pondering a paperback book while squatting on the toilet. The dynamic lighting design, the suggestive camera angles and the evocative pose make this a playful and compelling entry for the second place prize. Careful composition and artistic commentary complete this memorable and misty photograph.
The crown jewel of the page, André’s second and greatest OnlyFans post is a four-part tour de force in tantalizing boudoir photography. Wrapped in silk, satin and leopard print, André took us on a journey through sensuality and desire atop his bed that culminated in his most OnlyFans-worthy photograph, which depicted André in a legs-up, asscrack-out position that is as inviting as it is invigorating. Silk-Sheet Sexcapades earns a perfect score as it tops the list in both tastefulness and sensuality.
Not featured is a poll posted by André asking his subscribers what they would like to see him post next — the overwhelming winner was “(his) social security number.”
Though André only toyed around with his OnlyFans for a few weeks in 2021, as OnlyFans expands into more mainstream content as it develops its OFTV platform, the company that desperately wants to be known for a single thing besides jerk-off material should maybe consider courting the comedian for whom a brief foray into pseudo-pornography was one of the tamest moves of his career.