‘It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’ Deleted Scenes That Actually Deserved to Be Seen
The proverb “one man’s garbage is another man’s treasure” also applies to sitcoms. Case in point: The deleted stuff in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia contains (literally) throwaway jokes that are orders of magnitude funnier than the stuff that makes it on the air in certain other sitcoms. To demonstrate that, here are the best unaired moments we could find while rifling through Always Sunny’s deleted scenes, bloopers, DVD extras and junk like that...
Charlie Explains Why He Has Burner Phones
In this extended scene from “Mac and Charlie: White Trash,” we find out that Charlie (Charlie Day) spells “Waitress” as “Wicksocks” because that’s how he has his beloved’s number stored in his current burner phone. Yes, it’s astonishing that he got the “W” and final “s” right. Why does Charlie have burner phones? Because the Waitress keeps changing her number due to his relentless harassment, and he believes buying a new phone is the only way he can call her. “We got that dance going on,” he explains, adding that “there’s a certain dignity to it.” “It” meaning "stalking.” (No, Charlie, there isn’t.)
Dee’s Rousing Opening Statement
This one’s from “Reynolds vs. Reynolds: The Cereal Defense” and explains Sweet Dee’s (Kaitlin Olson) rationale for representing Dennis (Glenn Howerton) in the mock trial they hold at the bar: “If there’s anything that I hate more than this wretched prick, more than this miscarriage of a man, it’s a miscarriage... of justice.” Even Charlie, the opposing counsel, is impressed. It’s just typical that the only time Dee gets any recognition from the Gang should end up on the cutting room floor.
The Tempted Trucker’s Monologue
Most of Tom "Val Kilmer's Nemesis" Sizemore’s performance as a trucker who is tempted by Dennis and Charlie’s dapper good looks in “The Gang Gets Stranded in the Woods” made it into the finished episode, except for his wistful reflection about what it's like to be an aging truck stop sex worker: “Save your love, guys. You're just a hole to them, and then sooner or later, your looks begin to... (looks into the distance) They begin to fade. And then where are ya? Ain’t nothing glamorous about a tore up, burnt out, speed-freak 43-year-old suck queen, is there?” Unironically the best showcase for his talent in decades.
Charlie’s Cat Food Intervention
Dennis’ perfectly logical explanation for why Charlie should stop eating cat food apparently couldn’t make it into “Mac and Dennis Break Up” because Mac (Rob McElhenney) was physically incapable of getting through the scene without laughing. Bonus: Mac’s “sweaty hog that won't quit” remark was presumably replaced with “bird that won't quit” in “America’s Next Top Paddy’s Billboard Model Contest" because otherwise, they’d still be trying to shoot this scene.
Charlie’s Festive Butt Offer
Another line that didn’t make it into an episode because it was too hilarious for its own good: “Butts filled like a Christmas stocking,” from the time Charlie and Mac were trying to convince Mac’s dad they were capable of smuggling prison contraband for him in “Dennis and Dee Get a New Dad.” This show’s editors deserve a hundred Emmys for hiding all the times Mac cracks up.
Dennis and Dee’s Extended Podcasts
Howerton and Olson recorded a few four-minute podcasts about topics like serial killers and terrorism for “Mac’s Big Break,” but the standout is the one about the border patrol, in which we find out Dennis doesn’t know how to say “no” in Spanish. Then again, this is Dennis; he has trouble understanding the concept of “no” in any language. Reminder that this episode is from 2010, which makes Dennis and Dee trailblazers in the “ignorant assholes doing inane podcasts” industry.
Uncle Jack’s Public Access Show
Legal Advice with Jack Kelly, a Season Six DVD extra, is a great display of how profoundly weird this character is, even if you leave aside all the stuff about his sexual obsession with his nephew Charlie (which you shouldn’t, especially if you’re in the FBI). The various mid-Animorph images of himself he shows his confused callers are a little horrifying, but that’s probably not the worst kind of photo this guy could show you. Such are the risks of turning on public-access TV at 2:55 a.m.
Danny DeVito’s Contract Clause
Another DVD extra showing the moment Charlie Day found out exactly how they convinced Batman Returns star Danny DeVito to appear in their little show: via the promise of being blown. And now it’s time to pay up. This clip is also noteworthy for the appearance of DeVito’s then-wife Rhea Perlman (making this a little Matilda reunion) and another 1980s celebrity you wouldn’t guess in a million years (unless you’re aware of the fact that he’s directed several Always Sunny episodes).
Charlie’s Alternate ‘Go F Yourselves’ Songs
One of the show’s most memorable musical moments is Charlie’s spray paint-fueled song from “The Gang Tries Desperately to Win an Award,” which starts out being about a spider living in his soul and then violently swerves into telling those in attendance to go #$%@ themselves, punctuated by spit. Turns out Day improvised like an album’s worth of equally nonsensical songs, but they had to go with only one since they couldn’t just make the entire episode about Charlie singing about oyster parties and such (for some reason). You’ve officially made it as an artist when a baffled Danny DeVito is standing on the side of your performance, intently recording you on his phone.
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