The Most Pathetic Jerry Moments in ‘Rick and Morty’

18 Getting Swapped at the All-Jerry Daycare

Being dropped off at the Jerryboree (a cosmic daycare for Jerrys across the multiverse) while his son and father-in-law go off on an adventure was already humiliating, but realizing they give so little of a crap about him that they don’t even bother to check if they retrieved the right one? Ouch. Four seasons later, we found out that Rick and Morty did indeed go home with the wrong Jerry — but the original was kind of a passive-aggressive dick, so who cares.

17 Being Pressured into Having His Penis Replaced With a Prosthetic

When some space doctors (not to be confused with Dr. Spaceman) find out that Jerry’s otherwise unremarkable genitals happen to be shaped exactly like the ailing heart of a galactic civil rights leader, they ask him to donate his dingus for the good of the galaxy, and he’s such a pushover that he can’t bring himself to say no. Jerry relies on his wife, Beth, to let the doctors down — until she takes a look at the replacement robo-hogs they’re offering him and suddenly decides she cares a lot about galactic civil rights. Things only get sadder (and grosser) from there.

16 Arguing in YouTube Comments

Despite everything you just read, the most pathetic moment in the prosthetic penis episode is actually the revelation that Jerry cares about the opinion of random YouTube commenters to the point of crying himself to sleep over them, although “revelation” is probably not the right word since he always seemed like exactly the sort of person to do that.

15 F---ing Up Wearing Shoes

Due to a Rick and Morty-esque series of circumstances, Jerry is made lighter than air, and the only thing keeping him from floating away into the stratosphere is his shoes. Which he, of course, manages to lose while trying to impress some dudes playing basketball. How do you fuck up wearing shoes? By being Jerry; that’s how.

14 Having His ‘Pee All Over Stuff’ Plan Backfire

Everyone in the Smith family has humiliated Jerry at one point, including the family dog. Sure, lil’ Snuffles/Snowball had been rendered super-smart by one of Rick's many misguided inventions when he rubbed Jerry’s face on that urine-stained carpet, but this is Jerry we’re talking about here: The dog probably could have done that without the IQ-enhancing helmet anyway. 

13 Being Forced to Recreate Scenes from Titanic at Gunpoint

Jerry’s Titanic fandom also blows up in his face when Lucy, an older mega-fan of famed comedian James Cameron he had bonded with, pulls out a gun and tries to force him to paint her like one of his French girls and have awkward sex inside a cramped antique car. It’s a low moment for both Jerry and the show since the whole storyline feels like something out of Family Guy (especially Lucy’s Cape Fear-spoofing death scene). 

12 Living His ‘Wildest’ Fantasy As a Water-Cooler Delivery Guy

Rick’s tendency to leave exotic chemicals in the family fridge leads to Jerry tasting a substance called “Globaflyn,” which gives him a vision of his wildest fantasy. That fantasy? Delivering a water-cooler jug and having 900 more to go. Not sure what’s sadder: The fact that that’s the dream of his life or that he still hasn’t gone out and reached for it. What are you waiting for, man?

11 Getting Fooled by an Extremely Low-Quality Life Simulation

When Rick finds himself trapped in a simulation, it takes a tremendous amount of computing power to even try to fool him (and they fail). But when Jerry ends up in there, all they have to do is surround him with a few repeating A.I. characters that wouldn’t be sophisticated enough for a PS1 game. That “Human Music” song on his car radio kinda slaps, though. 

10 Being Used for Sustenance by Cringe Demons

In “Amortycan Grickfitti,” Jerry is befriended by a bunch of Hellraiser-type demons who actually like him for who he is: an extremely cringe-inducing person who makes everyone around him have a miserable time. Most of the episode consists of Jerry being completely oblivious to the fact that they like suffering and are just feeding off his lameness, but at least they spared us the scenes of everyone singing Smash Mouth songs in karao— sorry, “Jerry-oke.”

9 Being Used As a Beaver Nest, Among Other Things

Okay, this isn’t really the main Jerry, but then again, not even the “main Jerry” is the main Jerry (see the Jerryboree entry above), so it still counts. 

8 Hiding in the Car While a Homeless Guy Attacks Beth

When the family is besieged by parasites who insert themselves into everyone’s positive memories, Beth can determine that Jerry is real by remembering a particularly non-positive incident involving a homeless person, a broken bottle and her husband cowering in a locked car. Jerry is a parasite, just not of that type.

7 The Time Summer Almost Made Him Cry

That was cold, Summer. Completely, 100 percent accurate, but cold. 

6 Beth Picking Rick Over Him

We now enter the saddest part of Jerry’s already sad life: the time he made Beth choose between A) the drunken lunatic who (from her perspective) abandoned her as a child and constantly endangers her family; or B) Jerry. She went with the non-Jerry option. This would produce a wealth of future pathetic moments, like...

5 Being Dissed by the Wind

A gust of win inexplicably says, “Looooooseeeeer” as it moves by him. 

4 Getting Mugged by a Dog

Not a super-smart dog or some sort of alien posing as a dog — just a regular street mutt who goes out of his way to make Jerry feel like crap. See? Snuffles/Snowball didn’t need that helmet after all. 

3 Divorced Life

Jerry truly hits rock bottom, flossing on the toilet while looking at the torn wallpaper in that crummy apartment and thinking of his family right before crying himself to sleep once more (without any help from 14-year-olds on YouTube this time). Then that bottom turns out to be a hologram, revealing another rock bottom...  

2 Thinking Rick Was Going to Execute Him

Jerry was so defeated at this point that when Rick came to drag him on an adventure, he just assumed he was getting Joe-Pesci-in-Goodfellas-ed. But no, quite the opposite: Rick was taking him to a theme park where you can’t die because Morty was worried Jerry was about to off himself. Luckily, the trip went well, with Rick and Jerry even ending up bonding with each other.

1 Being Teabagged by an Alien Creature

And by “bonding,” we mean “Jerry conspires to kill Rick” and “Rick lets a snake eat Jerry, uses him as bait to attract another alien creature, then has said creature teabag his face over a 20-mile trip.” See, spending the entire episode at the Jerryboree isn’t so bad after all.

Follow Maxwell Yezpitelok's heroic effort to read and comment on every '90s Superman comic at Superman86to99.tumblr.com. 

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