Halloween Ends tomorrow! We mean, the movie Halloween Ends comes out tomorrow. The third installment of David Gordon Green and Danny McBride's John Carpenter-blessed take on the Michael Myers mythology purports to wrap things up, and we're going to take them at their word like we've never been on the internet before. To celebrate the end of such an iconic horror franchise, let's point out all the times it made us laugh: 

Halloween (1978): Michael's Posing of Victims

Michael Myers and Bob Simms

Compass International Pictures

It's undeniably terrifying, Michael's comfort with moving dead bodies and arranging them to freak out other potential victims. It's also hilarious, imagining the incarnation of unfeeling evil having an eye for interior design. The way he cocks his head here like he's making sure the art he's hanging is level. An artist must be a perfectionist, right? 

Halloween (2018): The Mask Freak-Out

Aaron Joseph-Korey with mask

Miramax/Blumhouse Productions

When a franchise has been a cultural institution for 40 years, it's difficult to fully maintain the scary. The opening scene in the 2018 Halloween has some self-important podcasters try to manufacture a supernatural connection between Michael and his mask at an asylum—only to have it manifest as other patients freaking out and Michael remaining ominously silent. The film seems to treat these podcasters both as silly and in-over-their-heads with evil. The result in this scene is that yeah, it's scary, but also made us laugh. Even if we know worse is coming. 

Halloween 2 (1981): “You Don't Know What Death Is!”

Dr. Loomis knows that evil is on loose. He has witnessed more death than any human should see. This neighbor just wants to go to bed. “I've been trick-or-treated to death tonight,” he whines. “You don't know what death is!” CUE THEME SONG.

Halloween Kills (2021): Cameron Tries To Stop The Bleeding With A Scarf

Cameron the arrestingly handsome scumbag is wandering the streets in despair. He's gotta “fix” things with Allyson after he cheated on her at the party! Lo and behold, here appears a chance at heroic redemption: saving the life of stabbed-in-the-neck Officer Hawkins. Which he attempts to do while dressed as the Bonnie half of a Bonnie and Clyde couples costume, blood spurting out of Hawkins's neck and all over Cameron's wool scarf. The combination of inadequate tools and a silly costume in such a serious situation gets us. 

Halloween (1978): Michael's Parents Wait To React

Michael Myers and family

Compass International Pictures

Let's go back to that first kill. Other than ripping his mask off, Michael's parents have zero reaction to their child holding a bloody knife. They say nothing! His mom puts her hands in her pockets and makes a face like Marge Gunderson with pregnancy nausea. Seriously, turn the volume up on that camera pan out. They just stand there! Not saying anything! That's not fruit punch on that knife!

Halloween Kills (2021): Haddonfield Cop Tough Talks Preteens


Miramax/Blumhouse Productions

Some jerk kids are bullying Lonnie when a cop rolls up. He yells at the kids to go home, and when they ask why, the cop spits out “he killed three teenagers up the street” then speeds off to nowhere with sirens blaring. No aid to the bullied kid, no chaperone home with the serial killer loose, just BS macho tough talk. What a great reminder of how little cops help people.

Send Chris Corlew your scariest and funniest slasher movie recommendations on Twitter. 

Join the Cracked Movie Club

Expand your movie and TV brain--get the weekly Cracked Movie Club newsletter!


Forgot Password?