15 more top of the shelf jokes from the world's best comedians to tell your mom on the phone when the silence goes on just a little too long. 15 more jokes to tell your friend's cat and initiate a secret bond that your friend could never understand. 15 more epic jokes to tell wake up your sleeping co-worker.

Jerry Seinfeld

Jerry Seinfeld


“Have you ever had milk the day after the date? Scares the hell out of you, doesn’t it? The spoon is trembling as it comes out of the bowl. ‘It’s after the day! I’m taking a big chance! I smelled it, you smelled it, what is it supposed to smell like? It smelled like milk to me.’ I don’t know how they’re so definite, though. Maybe the cows tip them off when they’re milking them. ‘July 3rd.’”

Peter Cook

Peter Cook

Stanley Donen Films

“I am blind -- but I am able to read thanks to a wonderful new system known as 'broil' . . . I'm sorry, I'll just feel that again.”

Dov Davidoff

“You know you’re too high when you’re eating cereal naked and your girlfriend is like “Put some clothes on” and you realize that it’s not your girlfriend. It’s just a woman on the bus.”

Sebastian Maniscalco

Sebastion Maniscalco’s famous bit about answering the doorbell. Long before his hilarious work in The Green Book.

Ms. Pat

Ms. Pat on her experience meeting President Jimmy Carter while she was working (and stealing) from McDonald's.

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