The Hall of Fame is opening its giant revolving doors (the funniest of door types) to induct 15 more of the funniest jokes ever written into its inner sanctum. The only question now is, who’s paying to keep this place open?

Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg


“My belt holds up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What the f**k's really going on down there? Who is the real hero?”

This joke actually inspired the film Inception.

Amy Poehler

Amy Poehler Seth Myers

Broadway Video

“Telling me to relax or smile when I’m angry is like bringing a birthday cake into an ape sanctuary. You’re just asking to get your nose and genitals bitten off.”

Having this crocheted into a pillow sham for my grandma.

Jerry Seinfeld

Seinfeld Stand up


According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.”

I’m the opposite in that I plan to do my tight five at my own funeral.

Demitri Martin

“I saw a door that said exit only. So I entered through it and went up to the guy working there and said "I have good news. You have severely underestimated that door over there. By like a hundred percent."

Never lower your self confidence just because someone put an exit sign above your head.

Doug Benson

Doug Benson Super High me

Wabi Pictures

“Has anybody here ever been driving along in their car, smoking a cigarette, and you flick it out the window, and you drive for a few miles, and you start to smell smoke, and you turn around, and you look in the backseat, and grandma is playing with herself?”

Bigger twist than an M. Night movie.

Lavell Crawford

Lavell Crawford

Comedy Central

“They always ask you dumb questions. 'Do you wanna be fat?' 'Oh yes, yes, I do. I wanna sweat for no reason.' Every time I breathe, they like, 'Why you breathing so hard?' 'So I can live.'”

I remember seeing Lavell live where he said possums are so dangerous the navy should shoot them out of battleships.

Tina Fey

Liz Lemon 30 Rock


“A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's temperature. Plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss.”

I check my temp every day just to be proactive. Sometimes several times a day.

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Top Image: Broadway Video


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