There are very few things in the human experience that can unite people across all groups and boundaries. Something that one person thinks is awesome, another will hate with every ventricle of their heart, things that some people find painfully boring will be the central pursuit of another person’s life. One thing that we can all come together as a species and say, though, pretty much without any detractors, is that skateboarding is sick as hell. The only people who would disagree are mall security guards and the guys in charge of polishing handrails.

Sakura Yosozumi, already confirmed sick by virtue of taking home the gold medal in Park skateboarding at the 2022 Olympics at the age of 20, just dropped a video of her skateboarding in a kimono. This video just dropped everything else in the world down one peg on the global leaderboard of how kick-ass different things are. If there’s two things I know in this world, it’s that skateboarding is really hard, and that silk is a deeply unforgiving fabric.

skater doing trick

Pixabay

Hell yes.

When you literally look like a secret unlockable character in Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater, I think it’s fair to put you up among the echelon of the coolest people alive. She should be able to give out blessings like the Pope. I think that if aliens ever do land on earth and demand an ambassador, we should have Sakura roll down there and pop a kickflip. They will submit immediately. They’ll offer the entirety of their wealth and knowledge to us, access to all their technology, if we will teach them how to ollie.

It’s a win-win situation, honestly. Either it turns out aliens are very bad at skateboarding, most likely due to their huge heads making them extremely top-heavy, and this allows us to assert our dominance. If they want to enslave us, we simply challenge them to a quick game of SKATE with Sakura as our champion. The other possibility is that aliens are very good at skateboarding, and that means we get to see aliens kickflipping stair gaps. It’s a harmonious world to imagine.

Top Image: Instagram/Twitter

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