Saturday Night Live: 15 ‘Weekend Update’ Jokes For The Ages

13 Colin Jost Jokes That Were Clearly Written By Michael Che.

Their “swapping jokes” segment keeps things light and is a great example of their chemistry. 

Jost: “The bat used by Babe Ruth to hit his 500th home-run was auctioned off this week. Also, I’ll be auctioning off the bat I use to keep my neighborhood white.”

Clearly the first time he saw this joke (and reading it out loud on live TV), he couldn't help but just shake his head.

Related: Cutting The SNL Cast In Half - Who's In? Who's Out?

12 Norm Macdonald on the Clintons

Norm Loved going after the Clintons, and that well stayed full until the day he died.

“At the White House this week, President Clinton officially came out against same sex marriages. What's more, the president said he is not too crazy about opposite sex marriages either.”

Related: 15 Norm MacDonald Jokes For The Hall Of Fame

11 Jimmy Fallon On Michael Jackson

2001 was a great year for Michael Jackson jokes and people who love the movie “Shallow Hal.”

“Michael Jackson arrived in London this week on crutches after breaking his foot in a quote ‘common household accident’ in his Neverland Ranch. It could have happened to anyone, Jackson told a reporter. ‘See my llama and I were chasing Liz Taylor around the Elephant Man's bones and I tripped on my cape.”

Related: A Brief History Of Michael Jackson's Video Game Appearances

10 Dennis Miller and Kevin Nealon “All Drug Olympics”

Why does Weekend Update not send correspondents into the field when it can be this good?

Nealon and Miller cut to the “All Drug Olympics” where all drugs are not only allowed, but encouraged.

Related: Power Ranking the Best SNL Weekend Update Anchors

9 Tina Fey on Bush

Tina Fey’s seat on Update and Bush’s presidency coinciding is one of the top 10 anime crossovers of all time.

“The Pentagon announced yesterday that US and British planes had struck Iraqi air defense sites south of Baghdad. Defense officials say the President wanted to send a clear message to the Iraqi government that he knows exactly where Iraq is.”

Related: Tina Fey's Race Issues Stretch Beyond '30 Rock's Blackface Eps

8 Chevy Chase and the Prostitute Stamp

This joke definitely did big numbers at the office water coolers the following Monday.

“The Post Office announced today that it is going to issue a stamp commemorating prostitution in the United States. It’s a ten-cent stamp, but if you want to lick it, it’s a quarter.”

Related: Bread Stamps Helped Prevent Fraud in Ancient Rome

7 Norm on Women Drivers

Here's one that you can share with your uncle who loves to talk about snowflakes and the Liberal army.

“Who are safer drivers, men or women? Well according to a new survey, 55 percent of adults feel that women are most responsible for minor fender benders, while 78 blame men for most fatal crashes. please note that the percentages in these pie graphs do not add up to 100 percent because the math was done by a woman.

For those of you hissing at that joke it should be noted that that joke was written by a woman, so now you don't know what the hell to do, do ya? I’m just kidding, we don’t hire women.”

Related: Badass Women History Class Totally Failed To Mention

6 David Spade on Eddie Murphy”

After a few bombed movies Spade joked about Eddie Murphy on the Hollywood Minute.

“Look kids, a falling star! Make a wish.” 

This gets the hall of fame treatment because Murphy famously called Spade afterward and emotionally destroyed/scared the hell out of him.

Related: The 8 Greatest Eddie Murphy Movies of All Time

5 Cecily Strong Blizzard Party

The silliness of this joke gives us pleasure which knows no bounds.

"NJ Governor Chris Christie on Tuesday was sworn into his second term. However, the massive blizzard forced the cancellation of his inauguration reception. Odd, since a Chris Christie party usually starts with a massive Blizzard.

Related: Streamers Threatened Blizzard Into Putting 'Diablo: Immortal' On PC

4 Amy Poehler on Shakira

“A perfect joke for the news format” - Shakira’s Hips.

“It was reported that while on a trip to South Africa, singer Shakira was attacked by a sea lion after she got too close to it. And the story has to be true because the story was reported by Shakira’s hips.”

Related: 15 Broad City Behind The Scenes Facts

3 Seth Meyers on Justin Bieber”

A perfect example of a Seth joke. Simple, with an elegant dismount. 10/10.

It was reported that police were called 3 times to respond to complaints about a recent party thrown by Just Bieber. Each complaint was the same; “No one came to my party.”

Related: 5 Days Undercover as a Justin Bieber Fan

2 David Spade's Hollywood Minute Puppet”

In a response to Eddie Murphy’s backlash to a Hollywood minute joke, Spade stopped doing the segment. However, a smaller, wooden version of himself, carried on the responsibility. 

Spade (with little puppet voice): “Bobby Brown recently spent five days in jail. Two for drunk driving and three for his new album."

Related: 'Saw's Scariest Character: The Behind-The-Scenes Creation Of Billy The Puppet

1 Norm's OJ Simpson Jokes”

Norm loved going after O.J. Simpson, which is rumored to be the reason he was let go from the show. 

After the O.J. was announced innocent Norm famously made the joke “Well it’s official, murder is legal in the state of California.”

For 30 minutes of Norm roasting O.J., check out this series.

Which joke did we miss from the Hall of Fame? 

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