Hey, you. Yeah, you there, reading this, breathing. The air you just sucked in? It’s bad. Sorry. Not only that but apparently, all the air everywhere is bad. We’re all apparently trapped in an atmosphere filled with nasty ruined air. It is unclear what exactly we’re supposed to do about it, or if there’s a way to clean the air so it’s not actively harmful anymore. I guess we’re all just stuck sitting around huffing pollution.

That’s my general take away from a new WHO report that says that 99% of the world’s population is breathing poor quality air. They do not share where the 1% of the population breathing Good Air is, which, to be honest, I want to know more than anything. I have two main guesses. The first one is that it’s some strange scandinavian village on a mountain where everyone wears clogs and weird dresses. The second is that it’s billionaires who have, like, big tanks of air preserved from before cars were invented that they have pumped into their mansion vents.

AP reports “WHO said 99% of the global population breathes air that exceeds its air-quality limits and is often rife with particles that can penetrate deep into the lungs, enter the veins and arteries and cause disease.” So that’s good. Look, I live in New York City, where the bulk of the air is made up of atomized piss and the last breath of dying rats. I didn’t exactly think I was swimming in nature’s best, but this is still a bummer.

I can already see myself creating anxiety over this. “I knew the air tasted more sour than when I was a kid!” I also urge you to hide this story at all costs from the hypochondriac in your family so that they’re not straight off to the doctor to get their lungs dusted. To be honest, I’m kind of mad at the WHO for publishing this. Just don’t tell me! What am I gonna do, stop breathing?

On the plus side, this is one step closer to us getting to wear those cool nose things that the guys in Dune do.

Top Image: Pixabay/Pixabay

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