Move over, vaccine passport, there's another, important health-related document making its way to the forefront of the headlines – none other than the always crucial and infinitely useful …  beef passport?  In what is somehow an even grander gesture of Nebraska's love for beef, the midwestern state has apparently taken a page from local sandwich shops everywhere, enacting what is seemingly a glorified, state-wide punch-card program encouraging Nebraskans to chow down on more red meat.  

On Wednesday, state Governor Pete Ricketts endorsed the program in a speech where he criticized Tinder's hottest new bachelor, Bill Gates, and “radical environmentalists" for criticizing the meat industry, made fun of quinoa's protein content as compared to beef – “Who wants to eat three cups of quinoa anyway?” – and spoke out surrounding the importance of the state's cattle industry, which annually rakes in $6.5 billion.

“If you do away with the beef industry, it’s going to be devastating to Nebraska,” the lawmaker said during his annual “beef month” address, which took place at a Lincoln steakhouse. “It would have a huge impact on our small towns and rural communities.”

Inspired by the state's Nebraska Passport Program, which encourages tourists and locals to travel to different attractions like museums and parks in exchange for stamps, which can be exchanged for various prizes, The Nebraska Beef Passport, managed by the state's Beef Council, will include 40 restaurants that serve meat. 

Each time a participant orders a beef dish from any of the 40 locales, they'll earn a stamp in exchange for prizes, including – you guessed it – a “high-end” cooler filled with even more meat. Who cares about cholesterol when you can get even more beef for eating a lot of beef?

Now, like every Nebraskan story we've covered so far, the element of spite against their neighbor, Colorado, and its Governor, Jared Polis, who once encouraged residents to eat less meat, is seemingly not too far removed from this new meat passport program. As the AP noted, the move comes several weeks after Nebraska, who already celebrates  May as “beef month” and offers beef-themed license plates enacted "Meat on the Menu Day," in mid-March, a direct response to Colorado's “MeatOut Day," in which citizens are “explore a nutritious and wholesome diet of vegetables, fresh fruits, and whole grains," Britannica noted.  

For more internet nonsense, follow Carly on Instagram @HuntressThompson_ on TikTok as @HuntressThompson_, and on Twitter @TennesAnyone.

Think Today Was Crazy?

Wait 'til you hear about the moments in history you missed! Get a new story sent directly to your inbox every day! No ads, no videos, just your daily shot of Cracked. Sign up now!

Forgot Password?