Cue the Windows shutdown music – On Monday afternoon, Silicon Valley power couple Bill and Melinda Gates announced that they were no longer a (Microsoft) Team in marriage, divorcing after nearly three decades together.

"After a great deal of thought and a lot of work on our relationship, we have made the decision to end our marriage," the Gates said in a statement dissecting the Outlook of their new lives apart, posted to their respective social media accounts. "Over the last 27 years, we have raised three incredible children and built a foundation that works all over the world to enable all people to lead healthy, productive lives."

While financial publications focused on the pragmatic, debating if and how their divorce would impact the future of the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, and in turn, the world of philanthropy as a whole …

… QAnon, desperate to emerge from irrelevance, conjured the most bizarre, baseless conspiracies in a weird attempt to incorporate the couple's break up into their moot, unfounded movement …

… the hustle-porn crowd fantasized about the craziness of bachelor Bill Gates partying with fellow billionaire, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, and Florida club staple, David Grutman … 

… and “Hot Girl Summer” enthusiasts hoped for a Bravo reality series depicting a single Melinda teaming up with Mackenzie Scott (a novelist and Bezos's ex-wife) to enjoy their single life in NYC (paying no mind to the fact that Scott remarried this past March).

Yet it seems everyone else on the internet had the same idea following the Word of the Gates's split – recognizing their Window to land a shot with Silicon's hottest bachelor and bachelorette, allegedly sliding into their DMs. From dropping their cheesiest pickup lines …

… to making a Microsoft pun somehow worse than the ones included in this article …

… playing it cool with an understated “Hey” ….

… playing it not so cool, getting straight to the point … 

… offering a shoulder to cry on in these hard times …

… and even begging Melinda to check her messages. 

So folks, when it comes to the Gates, good luck attempting to Excel into a relationship with either member of the newly separated couple. In all seriousness though, divorces are tough, let's respect the couple's privacy in these trying times – no matter how badly we may want to secure the bag. A (micro)soft approach to these things is always best. 

For more internet nonsense, follow Carly on Instagram at @HuntressThompson_, on Twitch.tv @HuntressThompson_ and on Twitter @TennesAnyone. 

 

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