Nebraska Instates Pro-Meat Day To Spite Colorado's Meatless Day

Move over spite houses and that YouTuber who burned all of Christopher Nolan's Tenet onto Game Boy Advance cartridges to piss of the theatrical-release loving director -- there's another purveyor of petty dominating the headlines -- none other than the state of Nebraska? On Monday, Nebraska Governor Pete Ricketts made it clear he had beef with a Colorado initiative aimed at encouraging people to avoid meat for one day, dubbing the neighboring Centennial State's measure a "direct attack on our way of life" before signing a declaration installing a state-wide meat celebration, officials from Nebraska's meat, agriculture and restaurant industry looking on.

Named "Meat on the Menu Day," the cholesterol-filled holiday will take place this coming Saturday, a direct jab at Colorado's “MeatOut Day," a “nonbinding proclamation” signed by Gov. Jared Polis at the urging of animal rights group members. 

“That is a direct attack on our way of life here in Nebraska,” Ricketts said of their neighboring state's decree at a press conference, conveniently located at a meat shop in Omaha. 

Steve Wellman, the state's Department of Agriculture director expanded on the governor's sentiments, noting that meat is integral to the state's financial wellbeing. “When agriculture does well, Nebraska does well,” Wellman explained, noting that approximately a quarter of Nebraskans work in agriculture, an industry that brings in $21 billion annually. “Agriculture is the heart and soul of Nebraska, and our 45,700 farm and ranch families keep our state going year after year." Nebraska which cited “beef & beef products” as one of its top exports in 2019, seems to take meat very seriously. Aside from acknowledging May as “Beef Month,” the state also offers residents beef-themed license plates. 

Although no activists have attempted to create a Cornhusker State rendition of the “MeatOut Day,” Ricketts says he hopes the move will deter those pesky vegans from even entertaining such a scandalous idea, “to make sure they don’t get any traction.”

Yet to the governor's dismay, it seems meatless advocates may have motives beyond pretentiously ripping that juicy burger from your hands. According to the Mayo Clinic's literature on nutrition, vegetarians “generally eat fewer calories and less fat, weigh less, and have a lower risk of heart disease than nonvegetarians do,” while red meat eaters “are at an increased risk of death from heart disease, stroke or diabetes.”

So, folks, whether you're a meat-lover or a militant vegan, it seems any chances of Nebraska embracing plant-based lifestyles have officially been skewered. 

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