With some places headed into their third month of the pandemic lockdown, people are dying to get out of the house without actually running the risk of dying from going out of the house. Many have turned to virtual tours of activities like going to the zoo, strolling around a historic site, and even going on a ride in a theme park. Yet, none of these digital experiences can match the bone-chilling, terrifying pointlessness of spending a virtual night in a haunted house.
Would you like to pay $20 to spend a week watching an unedited episode of Ghost Hunters without any of the jump cuts or sound effects that actually make it even slightly unsettling? Then you're in luck. Online paranormal community, The Dark Zone, invites you and, by the looks of the trailer's comment section, half the population of Thailand to virtually visit The House, a haunted house live streaming event running May 9-16. The house in question is none other than the Harrisville farmstead, the infamous location of the 2013 horror movie The Conjuring and of the real-life paranormal investigations of real-life frauds Ed and Lorraine Warren.
As important as the farmstead itself, The House will allow you a glimpse into the Heinzen family, current owners of the slightly creepy Rhode Island fixer-upper, and paranormal investigators themselves. Witness "[h]ow they live amongst the spirits while toughing out his worldwide pandemic" -- which seems to be exactly like how any other family is toughing out the coronavirus pandemic only slightly more gothy. The Heinzens will be holding seances (spectral Zoom), Ouija board sessions (spectral board game night), and launching paranormal investigations throughout the house (spectral wandering around your place looking at stuff because you're bored).
studio apartment would love the company of the ghost of a murdered Victorian girl right about now. " width="350" height="197" class="lazy" data-src="https://s3.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/0/2/0/735020_v2.gif" />YouTube/The Dark Zone
But let's have a heart. Between having to trudge through mold and asbestos covered ruins without ample face masks or hand sanitizer and having the angry ghost of plague victims telling them to piss off back home and wash their hands, being a paranormal investigator must be a hard grift during the pandemic. So if you want to toss a reanimated bone to a struggling community, taking a virtual tour of a basement as seen in The Conjuring is as good an excuse as any to gawk at someone else's house while getting day drunk. Hey, it's 3:07 am somewhere.
For a virtual tour of the ghost town that is his social media, do follow Cedric on Twitter.
Top Image: YouTube/The Dark Zone