Jump In The DeLorean With Us, We’re Headed To The 1988 Crystal Light National Aerobic Championship
It's January 31, the day a lot of us realize we're already one month into our healthy New Year's resolutions and have lost negative three pounds. But worry not, getting fit's just a matter of finding a workout that motivates you both on an athletic and a personal level. Like, for instance, tailoring your love of Taylor Swift to the kind of jack-ed up jazzercize videos spawned in the age of cocaine and Reaganomics.Despite being swole with workouts, the greatest fitness video on the internet by far is the upload of the 1988 Crystal Light National Aerobic Championship. As the concept of a televised U.S. fitness competition implies, this video couldn't be more eighties if Don Jonhson was snorting a line off a neon rowing machine in the background. But there's something so infectious about that Cold War energy that just makes you want to roll up your jacket sleeves, pull up your legwarmers and start sweating.
But what if the soundtrack, with its '80s synths and desperate attempts to find something that rhymes with "champion," isn't your jam? (A crucial element to any workout). Don't fret, as one Facebook user has made it his mission to sync hundreds of songs, many by popular demand, to the video, making aerobics accessible to all music scenes. Now punks can touch their steel toe boots to Rancid or the Sex Pistols and metalheads can shred calories with the help Metallica. Even gamers can revive their atrophied legs while pretending to build a prairie home alongside John Marston.
Even experienced fitness freaks will find a challenge in fast tracks like "Blinding Lights" by The Weeknd or the Friends theme, which speed up the regimen so much you'll get that Ross-bod in no time or pull several muscles trying.
And if you're the kind of hipster that only likes to break a sweat ironically, why not pair this VHS paragon of American exceptionalism with the National Anthem of the Soviet Union or the '80s slasher movie vibes of Rob Zombie's "Dragula"?
Just don't get too comfortable in the world of competitive calisthenics. No matter the soundtrack, its bright neon can blind you to its capitalist dark side, and if not careful you too will start star-jumping over bodies to reach the peak of physical fitness.
For more weird tangents and his favorite workout beats (Mr. Mistoffelees on repeat), do follow Cedric on Twitter.