Racists Are Attacking Black Ariel With Mermaid Science

Preserving the Mermaryan nation.
Racists Are Attacking Black Ariel With Mermaid Science

So Disney has started announcing the cast for the upcoming live-action The Little Mermaid, because too many of us thought Aquaman was pretty much fine and now we're being punished for it. Playing klepto teen Ariel this time around will be singing sensation Halle Bailey. Who's black. Which, according to internet racists, is an affront to nature, as shown by the recently invented scientific field of merfolk genetics.

If you've ever encountered the whininess of fans (or read a single article on Idris Elba's career), it should come as no surprise that terrible people are yet again outraged at the decision to cast a black girl in the role of a somewhat pale-looking cartoon. But floundering for a rationale to defend the innate whiteness of a character who is not only fictional but also of a fictional species, racists eventually settled on the dubious defense of mermaid science.

According to these amateur mytho-marine biologists, underwater demihumans cannot be dark-skinned because of lack of sun and melanin and stuff. Not only does that betray a kindergarten-level understanding of genetics, but also of mermaids themselves, who are almost constantly depicted sunbathing on rocks half-naked -- and we'll assume there isn't a drugstore on every corner in Atlantis selling factor 50 sunscreen.

Speaking of the easily sunburned, white supremacy under the sea isn't even the dumbest of the racist takes regarding Ariel's casting. That privilege went to the many redheads -- the only self-inflicted minority -- claiming that Black Ariel represents yet another example of the ongoing ginger genocide. Recently, there's been a coincidental string of casting dark-skinned actors as comic book characters who were originally drawn as redheads. So no longer having Ariel, queen of the redhead Myspace profile pictures, of course proved that redheaded role models in fiction are dying out (just like in real life).

And let's not forget how silly it is to want to adhere to tradition with The Little Mermaid, of all stories. This is a movie so Disneyfied that it has nothing to do with the Gothic horror that the original tale relishes. So unless all these folks also want a see a live-action teenage character not only commit ritualistic suicide to maintain her purity, but also agree to have her tail mutilated so horribly that her legs feel like she's "treading upon knife blades so sharp that blood must flow," they should probably shut up about how things are supposed to be.

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For more, check out The Blackadder Reboot Sounds Like A Stale Sitcom For Boomers and It's Time To Overanalyze The New 'Star Wars' Movie's Title.

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