Sex sells. It sells a whole lot better than houses in this economy. Which explain why high-end realtors have gone into the business of producing weirdly sexy ads that make their million-dollar properties look like sets for a Nicki Minaj video. But one Australian realtor took that idea just a little too far, and in the process broke the #1 rule of selling tacky mansions: Never remind the buyer that this is the kind of place they shoot porn in.
Continuing the weird trend of combining real estate and porn, the very unfortunately named Australian firm LJ Hooker found itself going unpleasantly viral after the company's Bankstown franchise released a video this week to advertise the sale of one of its luxury homes. To draw the right kind of upscale buyers for the lavish Sydney property, featuring more glass and fake marble than an '80s coke table, the realtors decided to commission a video to entice high rollers. But they ended up with something more like the teaser for every full-length PornHub video.
The video starts with a man wearing the kind of shirt you get free with every gallon purchase of Paco Rabanne illegally street parking his Jag in front of the house. With the swagger and loose-fitting trousers of a man more comfortable in a fake fireman uniform, he strolls up to the door, which is opened by a nice young woman who clearly thought she was going to be a whole different kind of dancer growing up. They then start the seductive bump and grind that really drives up the value of a suburban four-bedroom, starting on the couch they probably auditioned on:
He then tracks his dirty shoes over the granite counter tops before spread-eagling his date on the edge of the marvelous kitchen island.
Then the lady freshens up in the nicely tiled bathroom whose toilet is conveniently visible from almost every other room in the house:
Meanwhile, her rugged beau has a quick cooldown in the world's first half-lane swimming pool:
And the half-naked pair finally finds their way to the cozy bedroom, where the camera pulls out right before they get to the obvious business of ruining those high-thread-count sheets.
The video quickly spread, first in Australia and then the world, as people mockingly pointed out they'd rather not spend millions on a house which they felt they'd had to clean with a tub of bleach and a black light before safely moving in. The realtors did apologize for the accidentally launching a BangBros teaser trailer, then tried to salvage the situation by re-uploading the video with less porny music, before scrapping it altogether. And if you thought that switching out the music of a porno is like changing the deckchairs on a sex cruise, one Twitter user showed that there is in fact one tune that can really class up a joint:
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