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Look, let's just give vegans this one. They've enduring years of vegan jokes and aggressive meat-proselytizing. I'm not a vegan, I'm not even a vegetarian. And yet, I've heard much more complaining about vegans than actually encountering any annoying vegans (other than PETA, whose business model is "smug obnoxiousness").

Not a single one of my vegan or vegetarian friends has ever lectured me about meat. In fact, more often I see someone skeptically quiz someone about their veganism. "But meat and cheese is so good!" is the most common rebuttal I hear, as if vegans were merely uninformed about the deliciousness of animal products, and will immediately sink their teeth into a cow upon finding out. They're probably well aware that meat and cheese is good. They still have a nose, they're vegans, not Voldemort.

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So please, can't we just let them have this pizza? If you think they're committing a crime against pizza by eating substitution cheese, well, I've got bad news for you: you might be eating it too.

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